Car 54 drives through life...

Things I saw in the last 10 minutes

2009-11-02T23:20:00.003-05:00

1.) remote control helicopter
2.) 4 tables full of perfume for sale
3.) at least 10 people walking with NYC marathon medals on their chests
4.) a falfael guy selling to taxi drivers with his 5.99 special JUST for them
5.) 3 people exchanging email addresses by writing on a bible all of them are holding
6.) blue and yellow empire state building
7.) sprinting to the 2 / 3 train (me in the mirror)

NOW.

2008-06-27T09:56:00.002-04:00

"Throughout the day you may feel a bit restless and unsettled without really knowing why. Stresses in your life might be churning up repressed resentments from the past that you need to release. It might be good for you to try to discern exactly what these stresses are reminding you of. If you're unable to do this, however, you'll probably still reap the benefits of the release. Stay zen, and just let it happen."

I realize this is just a computer talking to me. Sending me my horoscope every day. But. There are so many days whe its so damn accurate I feel like telling the world to sign up for Astrocenter.com. I believe in these horoscopes--maybe its because they ask you your birth time so I know they are meshing my crabby Cancer with my ascending Virgo personality. Most days I wish I was more Cancer than Virgo. Perhaps that is what it feels like when you are nearing 35, catapulting into your ascending sign.

Today I leave for a big trip. BIG. I am going to Italy with the man I have been dating. The man who seems quite wonderful. Sweet. Kind. Funny. And is making my life so enjoyable. And I sit here with much stress and angst. I have been thinking a lot about my story and how I want to change it. How I want to think about having another man in my life that is someone I can really love and enjoy. How do I consider that my past, that love story that failed, may not have been a love story at all? Sure, it ended in marriage, but was that real love? Did we know each other? Did we really care and respect each other they way that one would hope when you walk down the aisle? NO. We didn't. We were kids. I am not sure that I can describe what we had a real love. The kind of feeling that seems to just build and build over time. And for some reason this makes me very confused. Angry. It makes me think about why I made the moves I did in the past and how I can stop thinking about them and start thinking about NOW.

So this week is going to be an adventure of NOW. Have can I enjoy RIGHT NOW and stop over thinking NOW. And stop comparing NOW to THEN. THEN needs to finally close out and be done with.

A few weeks ago--perhaps about 6 I had one of the worst crying episodes of my life. It was a bad day. Filled with losing a BIG deal at work and just spiraling out of control over what the hell I am doing with my life. Weeks leading up to this event were filled with sleepless nights waking up to blurt out on paper finally all of the things about my marriage that happened--that really happened--and letting them be out there and in the "past."

And then I woke up the next day and everything changed. I took a leap of faith and started dating this new man. I was invited to speak at a conference in India. A new friend turned up. And life shifted in a way that I have been waiting for. Seven years I have been waiting for a shift like this. NOW is not a bad place to be.

Day 94: SERIOUSLY?

2008-05-15T22:28:00.003-04:00

I am constantly amazed by the things people spend their time doing.....like all of the energy that goes into things that are negative that could instead be put in a positive place. One example is this insane woman in LA who posed as a 16 yr old male, wooed a neighborhood teenager (female) with love letters through myspace and then......broke it off with her??? And then the teenager hung herself? She was charged today in Federal court.

This just makes me think about how we make life so damn complicated and difficult. I was out last night with a man who:

1.) got married at 18. had 2 kids. divorced his wife and left his ultra-religious upbringing.
2.) moved to NYC. got a job in computer science. went to NYU to get his undergrad.
3.) is getting married to his "friend" who he loves but doesn't want to marry but is going to marry her because she needs a green card. Found out about this topic when he said after several beers and looking at his blackberry, "my lawyer just emailed me my pre-nup"
4.) he then had a girl meet up with us and said to me "oh you are going to get to me blah blah blah" and I said oh is this the girl you are marrying? No!! And don't tell her anything about that she has no idea about her.

Because yeah, its going to be REALLLLLY easy to keep that a secret from future dates right? Sure. Nope. Not a problem at all.

What the fuck?

I meet these people and say to myself--wow. I think my life is tough? Right. Not.

Meanwhile. Mr. Cherry who I met when I first moved here and who I was trying to be friends with until the last time I went out with him and a group he freaked out when a man gave me his card. LITERALLY leaped across the bar and said "why are you doing giving her your card???"

He also totally pissed me off because I started telling him a story earlier in the night and then someone came over and stood by us and I said "I will tell you later" to which he responded "NO. You should tell all of us." and I said "No." And he then STARTED TELLING THE STORY that I had already relayed....

So end game here is this guy is a jackass who has no respect for women. I have been blowing him off big time as he has been sending me txt messages, calling leaving VMs etc for the past 4 week. PAST FOUR WEEKS and will not stop. Best thing? This is what he sends:

"HELLO??????"

or

"You mad at me?"

Enchanting right? I realized this evening that maybe this is a time to just say to someone:

You are an ass.

I never do this because it seems like I am just wasting energy being negative. How do you say to someone you are a jerk? Like really a jerk? Especially after you have already said that? to their face the evening that it happened and it seems like they didn't get it live so why would they get it say in the form of an email or txt message?

The final fabulous thing about Mr Cherry? He is in NYC from Mon-Thursday. So. I hear from him about 11pm on Monday or Tuesday night and then for a few days and then nothing. Because that makes a girl feel good right? Being sent a txt message right around the time you want to go to bed?

In brighter news or maybe freaky news...the sun is out in NYC. And so are the runners. And why why why does everyone here wear short nylon shorts to run in? I seriously do not WANT to be seeing that. Did you ever notice the people you want to see in outfits that are questionable....never wear them?

Day 88: So This is Why I am Here

2008-05-08T23:53:00.002-04:00

I had this strange revelation this evening while on my yoga mat: I came here to heal myself.

This sounds strange right? Who comes to NYC to find their center? To get grounded? To find themselves? This city is a place where you can easily get lost. Fall into ruin. Climb high and fall very hard. Stay out till all hours of the night drinking and dancing until you fall over.

But something about this shift in locations. Something about this city. Something about everything I have experienced since I have arrived has lead me to this thought.

I suppose the details around it will continue to unfold around me as I am awakened to this possibility. But there are so many positives I have already felt and seen that I do believe something has shifted inside my soul over the past 88 days.

I find myself walking down the street with my dog and people looking at me--and instead of caring so much I think yep. This is who I am and I am so damn happy about it.

I see myself on the other side of the table during a date thinking wow--I really will be ok if I never find someone. And that is possible. I may never find someone close to what I am looking for and thats finally ok with me. Am I happy about this idea--this potential? No. But I find myself stretching to fill my own shoes and seeing how happy my life can be if I just try to let go and see what shows up. Finding pleasure in the immediate and stopping the whirlwind of my analytic mind. Offerings seem to abound and I am learning not to over think and instead jump in with these new shoes.

I hear myself telling funny stories. And I realize I am having fun. A lot of fun. In a new way--fun that doesn't have to lead to anything important. Fun with people I may never see again but enjoy learning about new wines with over an evening. Nothing needs to be permanent. Its strange but true.

I find myself at meetings for my industry and realizing wow--these people remember me from last time. Its starting to feel like home here. People are reaching out. Inviting me to lunch to talk about the field and how I should play it.

I see myself finally having a boss. A real BOSS who tells me NO. Who listens and who teaches me new things every single day. A boss who respects me and only wants me to succeed.

And I have this lovely yoga mat. That has guided me through so many years of pain and agony to this new place where it is used so frequently I will need a new one soon. I have a studio. They have Ashtanga 4 times a day. Real teachers that are compassionate and caring. The students are serious but nice. Real. Everything about that studio is real.

These are the good things. And I see more coming my way every day as I open my heart and soul to this new place. As I slowly step out of my shell to see what people have to offer. Its like the sun that has slowly started its assent closer and closer to the side of the building across the street. And this morning it finally popped and landed right inside my bedroom for a full showing of beautiful light.

Day 26: "I want to get married"

2008-03-09T20:20:00.003-04:00

It was time. Time to finally meet up with the race car driver in NYC. He has been a source of strength to me over the last few months. Amazingly has turned out to be the one person in my life that actually seems to understand what I was facing down in DC as a singleton and what I could gain should I choose to make the leap to NYC. He became a sounding board. One who said to me "you will love it here. your personality will fit in like you can not even imagine. you will thrive here. DC is a dead end for your career. you must come, you will not regret it."

And so I came. Hung out for 25 days and arranged a meeting with my ex boyfriend over dinner.

We went to Sapa in the West Village for some dinner.....

I am doing unusual things these days. While I was waiting I decided to order a lychee bellini because well, quite frankly I was just in the mood for a fruity drink....and it was wow. yum.

So he arrives, in typical race car driver fashion, full of serious looks and big smiles. Yes it is possible to have both of these things in one face. And this is one of the few people that I know personally that can pull it off. And so we sit. And we chat about life, being in NYC and where we are......and he announces with all the glee that someone like the race car driver can and says:

Brandi, I am ready to get married.

And then I laugh. And laugh. And LAUGH.

Whats so funny?

YOU--YOU-----want to get married???? What on earth for?

Well. I turned 40 and I decided..... (I am hearing drumroll are you?) that its time to "tee it up"

Oh how I love men. Time to tee it up? Tee it up? You have broken the hearts of how many women and today is the day that you let me know that you are "ready to get married?"

The race car driver was a particular lust of mine. He was quite literally just what the dr ordered at a time when I was in the daily dullllldrums of post divorce and maddening boredom. He was the first person I met that was actually FUN. He pushed me in ways I would not have imagined at the time I man could. Invited me into his world of aggressive behavior and challenges and I ate it up. Champagne poured, we raced cars on the weekends and soaked up the sun on the weekends.

And then he decided it was more important to pay bills instead of celebrating my birthday. And that was the first and the last straw. All in one moment I cut the cord. We went to dinner the next night and I told him---its over.

To which he responded with a power point like chart he created on a napkin. He said "this always happens to me. Women want more and I can't give it. My feelings for you are flat lining (he drew this on an x / y axis for me just in case I didn't follow along) and all the while, your feelings for me are growing (also illustrated on the napkin).

To which I responded---no. don't think you are hearing me exactly. I am saying that we should be done. It was great knowing you. I am sure we will still be friends, but its time for us to stop being together and move one.

And then he went back to the chart and re-explained what I wrote above.

And then I said my piece again.

And this went on for about 5 minutes and finally I said "this relationship is like a piece of lint on the quilt of my life"

And he said "lint?"

And so dinner with the piece of lint was interesting. I believe that he still cares about me but in a way that feels like a really strong friendship. And it feels good. Its strange to be at this point in my life, where I can look at people and realize with utmost clarity that I need them to be part of the picture but not in a romantic way. That I need people to love me as a friend, not a lover to make my life more complete.

Plus, who can turn down an after dinner drink in a beautiful loft in Union Square with some gelato to boot? Perhaps last night I learned that I need to be aware that people change, for the better. They grow up and get clarity on things.

Day 20: Sick in NYC? Call Dr House

2008-03-03T23:02:00.003-05:00

And so I got sick. Are you at ALL surprised by this? I move two weeks early, start a new job, and completely change my life and I expect to be just FINE. Yeah no. No. No. No.

My dear friend from San Fran arrived last Friday with a small cold in her pocket. We had the most FAB weekend. Going all kinds of fun places like the Café Carlyle, which is truly a NYC legend hosting the likes of Bobby Short, and the home of Jackie O for many years as well as the Village Vanguard. The music was lush --- as was the vibe. How I love music life in this city. And the appreciation for it...the silence that happens as the lights go down and people are actually LISTENING.

So. My dear friend departed and left her small cold which quickly turned into a large cold complete with laryngitis and full on headaches and other pains for over a week. So it was time, time for me to GO GET A Z-pack. For those of you who are not friend to the Z-pack, I suggest you acquaint yourself with it the next time you have a sickness......it zaps out these horrible bugs in about 2 days.

But wait--thats right I have NO DR. Whoops......so I turn to goggling around and looking for "urgent care" This is of course after I call my health care insurance and they say "the nearest urgent care facility is in NJ" --- like 25 miles away. So I find this guy: Dr. Bolte

I know kind readers that you expect me to do my due diligence when I am going to do something random like this--me the expert googler who found the deed to the house my last boyfriend bought with his ex-wife before I even knew he was married....this was of course AFTER I found the picture featuring him in National Geographic speaking about his son. Oh yeah, thats right I do have children......And that is another story for another time.

In any event, I was sick. And I wanted the Z-pack. So I left my house and headed to see one Dr. Bolte on the East side. Called. Made an appointment at 11am DONE. Charge me 135.00 and I will love you forever just give me the damn z-pack. Perhaps this is my problem--I see drs as a means to an end. I truly do not see them as having "value" to tell me things I don't already know. Just give me the z-pack and I will be all good.

My first indication that things were a little "different" was the doorman. It appeared that I was actually in someone's apartment building. Hmmmm... But this HUGE doorman, probably the biggest one I have seen since I have been in NYC, said oh yeah, 8-H sure, go right up the Dr is in.

Hmmmmm.....

So I enter the apartment which to Dr. Bolte's credit is actually sort of set up like a Dr's office. And he was there with another patient in another room, but came out and greeted me and handed me one of those dr forms. Which I barely filled out bc I was like HEY--I am paying for this...you SO don't need my social security number. ANYWAY.

He calls me back into his office and starts talking. Asking me what my DEAL is.....aka why the hell don't you have a real dr if you have health insurance. BUT, really, he is actually a real dr who does not feel like dealing with the insurance companies and I get it. He then also tells me that BTW he is a medial detective and you know that show House? Well that is really based on his work.

AND once again, my lack of knowledge on pop culture which results in my failure to have any time to watch TV because really folks, I am OUT enjoying life, comes and hits me smack on the head. I have no clue what he is talking about.

Then he listens to my chest and says--wow. Doesn't sound good. And wow--looks like you could have Strep. Probably time for some antibiotic (fingers crossed on the other side of the table at this point "z-pack, z-pack, z-pack) and then he says -- I will write you a script for a Z-pack.

Thank YOU.

But then things get a little weird. Because he proceeds to tell me again about the "House" reference and then he says "well, I am going to be on America's Most Wanted next week." And I am being featured on the news tomorrow with my dog.

People, I know what America's Most Wanted is......quite frankly I spent way too much time while in Graduate school studying forensic science thinking about episodes of America's Most Wanted. So now I am thinking --- here is when I DIE. Here is the part when it all seemed FINE and then I got killed going to a random Urgent Care Dr.

So I ask....cause what the HELL else do you do in this situation????? Why will you be on America's Most Wanted?

And then he tells me: his ex-wife killed her new husband. Point blank with a new gun she bought and was learning how to shoot while he was off flying airplanes for SouthWest Air. Practiced. Asked the guy at the shooting range what bullets work best if you are going to kill someone, and he advised, "hollow" so that is what she ran down to KMart and purchased...and then used on the husband when he came home. And then? Yeah she took off in his BMW to the airport. Left the car there and took off to Brazil.

And so he is still holding the Z-pack prescription. And that is REALLY what I want and I was thinking wow--this is how people get into bad situations...they think well that prescription is very important so I MUST stay here and listen to this story so I can get that...never mind the DANGER.

And so I say --wow, really sorry to hear that. Really sorry. And then it starts....he tells me all about her horrible abusive background and how this was always a problem in their marriage and how well, he managed ok at first but it just couldn't work out. And that really, he thinks the thing that triggered the whole episode was the fact that the new husband locked the guns before he left thinking she might harm herself......

And then he says well, this is really one of my interests---back to the medical investigations---he says this is what Discover Magazine wrote about when they wrote an article on me.

Well “Thanks so Much” I said. “Thanks again for the script and I really have to go”. Although I am not sure why I am thanking…since I am paying…

"I just want to let you know, before you go, if you ever need help, please call me"......

"Ok. I will keep that in mind"

"Because I have saved three of my patients. Three of them! These women come here from places like Idaho and they have no idea what trouble they can get into, so they call me in the middle of the night from a bad neighborhood and have no idea what to do...they end up at some club and all of their friends leave...next thing you know they are in big trouble"

Well, Thanks. I don’t know that I will need a rescue service but thanks.

NYC. Never know what you will find. Or why. Or How.

Day 10: Snow and Smiles

2008-02-22T15:54:00.004-05:00

Can't believe I have only been here for 10 days...but I think that means that this place fits. It seems so easy to be here. One of the most amazing surprises is that:

PEOPLE IN NYC ARE HAPPY

Very happy. And really when you think about it, why wouldn't they be? Seriously. This place has everything you could want and people to help you get it at every hour of the day. I am startled with how friendly people in my building are and about the fact that my dog has lipstick on his head from being kissed on the street today after getting pets from a stranger who said: "Elwood, you made my day"

Speaking of Elwood, he wonders why we didn't move here sooner? After a stroll in the park this morning he is quite convinced that we live in the best place on earth. And really who can blame him? No leash required in the early morning in Riverside Park means running with other dogs and jumping in the snow. I shared so many laughs this morning with other dog owners who like me were baffled at their dogs love to roll in the freezing cold snow.

Friday is coming to a close here and I await the arrive of my dear friend from San Fran for the weekend. A long weekend of girl time, libations, live music, and furniture arrangements. Hurray!

Day 2: NYC

2008-02-14T15:10:00.004-05:00

Your Horoscope for FEBRUARY 14, 2008

Today, you may feel a little more vulnerable than usual. Perhaps you feel hemmed in by decisions you can't put off, or you're a little overworked and overwhelmed by all your numerous activities. The day ahead will help you make some decisive progress. And no backward glances allowed! Dwelling on the past will not help you at all...

And so I am here. NYC. Living on the Upper West Side. Full view of the Hudson outside my window and life is feeling good, busy, overwhelming, smushed, calm, disorganized. But.....I have cable so thats good news right?

I have never thought about space in the same way as I have in the past two days. I keep asking myself---do i really need this? I am enjoying my 700sq ft space in a way I never imagined I would.

So a change is underway. It was time to go and then be gone. It happened so quickly. My mover offered to move me three weeks earlier than planned and I said ok. Lets go. People on the other side don't even realize I have left....not yet anyway.

If someone said...

2008-01-07T23:16:00.000-05:00

write a sentence about your life what would you write?

I am thinking about this a lot today as I sit here with a world of options in my palm. What would one say about my life so far? And really more importantly, what would I say? Would I say I have made good choices? Sure. Made Safe choices. Yes. Made choices that seemed like they would be the most FUN? Not so sure.

So. This is the question my mother poised to me this evening when I asked her about choosing between moving to San Fran or New York. (job interviews, possibilties will be broadcasted if they become real) Which one works? Which one is the best opportunity? Which one is......more fun?

One of the biggest struggles this year is facing my life in DC. And realizing it is not working. I am tired of being here. My new places is beautiful. I love the people that live in my building. BUT. I am tired of making friends that leave. Of feeling like everyone I meet is strange (men) or just plain boring (women and the men too. Ok. Maybe the women are also strange.). Point being when do you say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH?

I have been approached by a company to work in NYC and have struggled with this idea for the past two weeks. Agonized over what this means for me from a detailed and high level perspective. And really thought about what I want which is to be surrounded by a community of people that are like me. Are those people in NY? I am not sure. And then I thought again about how I have always wanted to live in San Fran. Sometimes I think I bring decisions to my own door. Today during one of my interviews they let me know that a post in San Fran is also available. Would I rather have that job?

At the end of the day it doesn't matter if I get the job or not. Its all about choosing. Instead of going along with things. What is right for me RIGHT now? One of the biggest things I compalin about is being on the road all the time. NYC--no road. My backyard will be my patch. No need to travel to KY for the afternoon. Or Arkansas. And then I think about all of my dear friends in San Fran and the wonderful city and the weather and the bay. But I will travel. All the time. All over the West. Will that really solve my problem--which for those of you just getting up to speed is: I need to develop a world around me in my new home. Very hard to do when you are never home.

I am thinking and trying to find the answers. I want to be able to write my sentence and be happy about my answer.

A New Year of Cheer? Or is that just the wine...

2008-01-06T15:28:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year---2008. What will it bring?

I have spent the weekend in a quiet place thinking hard about this and wondering what the answer will be. Vision. Goals. Objectives. Fun. Hmmmm..

To catch you up on things around here:

1.) Chicago boy is long gone. Was just not going to work out with his commitments in Chicago.
2.) Still searching for whats next on the job front
3.) Still adjusting to life in DC.

I think the question for 2008 is what fits? There are so many things right now that don't fit. It feels like an endless challenge to find the right path and to position myself correct to see it instead of taking the wrong fork in the road. Meanwhile things are happening all around me and I pause to consider if any of them will make me a little bit brighter. I wonder why I keep agreeing to see people that really don't make me feel happy, rather they suck my energy out until my limited supply is left.

So 2008 is going to be a well documented adventure. Writing more and speaking what is on my mind.

Back in Chicago...

2007-10-08T17:57:00.000-04:00

Its funny how the world moves.....I checked into my hotel this afternoon in Chicago. Here on business for a few days...But what is this block--this place?

Its the place where my old boyfriend's father took me to lunch a lifetime ago. I walked out of my hotel and just stared. At the parking structure. And flashed back to that nervous day of eating sushi for the first time and having NO IDEA how to use chopsticks. And feeling totally inadequate and embarrassed and really got the whole feeling of "wow your son is way better than me"

And so 10 years past. I moved to DC and moved on. And then the Chicago boy and I crossed paths about 3 years ago. It was amazing to catch up with him this love of my life or so it seemed that way in the last year of my college days. So we talked. And we emailed. And he told me all about how his family had really loved me back then. And they still asked about me. And if he knew then what he knows now how he would have kept track of me...and trying to make it work. So my sorority sisters were right. He did really love me. Much more than I imagined.

And then we met. Live. In Vegas. Neutral location right? This was my first trip to Vegas (and unfortunately is not my last.) So much going on all around me I found it hard to avoid focusing directly on the person I was there with--intensely. Almost as an escape from the environment. And what did I see? And unsophisticated man. Someone who had become obsessed with money and liked to spend a lot of time trying to impress me with it. Which of course was funny---I living in the land of tech millionaires was so accustom to lavish things buying the things that he considered extravagant...was common place.

And so I went home. And was overwhelmed with how my early adult life had collided -- crashed and burned--with my 30 year old life. How things that seemed to significant at the time were not at all what they seemed. Instead they were the direct result of my low self confidence and a serious inability to see my value.

I ask myself have times changed? Am I still in that place? Or do I see my value clearly now. Do I consider that the person that likes me may not be who I need after all? or do I give out to many chances to impress me with your wit. Do I consider how dating someone that lives 600 miles away might be a difficult option? Is it the right option for me who wants to have someone to share my life with? Or have I accepted the fact that this person is going to be so incredibly difficult to find that this distance is irrelevant?

I am happy. This decade brings questions . I am questioning other people's value inside my life. And trying to determine where my precious time should be spent. And not worrying to much about their needs...focusing more intensely on mine.

I am off to meet with TC for dinner with these thoughts carefully tucked away in my confident mind.

TC Where are you?

2007-09-24T10:53:00.000-04:00

"I think we have used up all of our travel karma" my text message reads.

TC spent 7 hours at the airport yesterday trying to get on earlier flights, running from terminal to terminal and then finally got on the 8:45 which sat on the runway for 45 minutes...I was looking at the flight status page on United and was horrified.

I have used up all of my travel God Karma. But thats ok. I will trade travel karma for TC.

So finally he arrives....and then proceeds to get in a cab that drops him off at the wrong location literally 3 blocks (separated by a park) away. Did I mention that he has a broken toe?

But at 1am in the morning all was well....it was sort of like spending time with someone I have known for 10 years. All of the emails exchanged over the past two weeks offered us a chance to dive deep and wide into our lives. So...two bottles of Zinfindel later and at 530am we ended the first date. Can't wait to see him again this evening...he is much more fantastic than I imagined.

Asile 6

2007-09-20T22:17:00.000-04:00

And so I have been traveling. To all of the places you never wanted to go in the same week. Smushing NC into MO across one day and trying to remember what time zone I am in and what rental car is mine because I am confused after three days three cities. And all of this hazy thinking is the result of one brilliant afternoon on 9/11 last week. That was the day that I decided to go to the airport early....and ended up meeting a spectacular man seated next to me. Ok so He was no really supposed to be sitting in the middle seat but he did all the way to Chicago...

Laughter. Lots of laughter and tears from laughter. When is the last time I have laughed like this without fear or thinking about what to say next. Only savoring this moment that was so not supposed to happen for either of us. So not supposed to be on the 2:40pm to ORD. So supposed to be on a 4:20 and a 5 something. I noticed after a while that people around us were just looking over and smirking and just not sure what to make of the whole thing going down in aisle 6. And I remembered that my laugh is loud and joyful and felt all warm and happy inside.

And so we had a drink...before I departed to NC. (you might be asking yourself why did you fly to Chicago to then fly to NC and I would invite you to join us road warriors in our search for answers to these questions) When is the last time you found yourself wishing your layover was longer? Or wishing your flight was canceled?

I think the folks in NC truly believe that the smile on my face the next day was all about them....

3 days and counting and TC will be returning to DC for his bi-monthly visit. All of these emails and txt messages will have to be converted into live conversation and real laughter instead of smiles and goofy :---). How will that be? How do you convert bits to real life? How to you move from having open conversations over email to having to look the person in the eye and say what you want to say.

This is interesting and concerning and exciting all at the same time. When you think about how much communication is about verbal signs you wonder how verbal signs will change what you say...the guise of email is earth shattering to the dating scene and has flipped it on its head. I am a writer by nature. Words flow off my finger tips and I don't know if my brain is a quick in real life. All of these challenges will be faced down on Sunday afternoon. And on Monday and on Tuesday...until we are back to bits again.

Some interesting questions/observations about logan circle...

2007-08-03T13:03:00.000-04:00

A few interesting observations about my new neighborhood:

1.) Cute guys around the circle are usually not my "type" or really should I say I am not their type.
2.) where do the dead birds come from? I have found 3 dead birds so far this summer and its a bit sketchy.
3.) there are a few republicans in my building who don't know a thing about sunscreen. tanned and tanned again like hides these people are.
4.) where do dead rats come from and then who picks them up?
5.) sometimes men in my neighborhood walk around only with a cowboy hat on and some very interesting shorts...and work boots...and I try not to think about what they are up to...
6.) Whole foods seems to be a grocery store disguised as a pick up joint
7.) Cat calls in the city are much more formal than in other places. Calls like "Hello Lady you are HOT" instead of just whistles and other noises.
8.) Who gives all the bums chicken wings at night? There are piles of chicken bones every morning out in logan circle. Not clear on where they come from....
9.) there are TWO count them TWO places that serve gluten free beer right near by....
10.) Why is it that every time I am heading to the airport, I end up in a cab with three other people because the driver keeps pulling over and screaming hey "where are you going"? An affirmative answer of airport results in a "jump in" response.

I don't want to jump in...unless this feels like something...

2007-08-03T12:53:00.000-04:00

Should one date someone that wears boat shoes.....and of does not own a boat? Someone that is 37 and failed to have a relationship for the last 6 years? Someone who works to much? Someone that is so amazingly handsome but has no brains? Someone that heads out to church every Sunday? Choices...choices...choices.

A few lines from my favorite Cake song are useful when making these types of decisions

I don't want to think back to the one thing I wish I would have done....
People. Just do it. Just go where you want to go, do what you want to do, see who you want to see, let other people be uncomfortable if they need to be that way. Live the life that you imagine and throw caution to the wind....that is where it belongs. You never know until you ask, say how you feel, try something new, and live in the experiences you design.

I don't want to doubt you nor know everything about you....
Sometimes not knowing...like remember when you first started dating someone and they were all mysterious? might actually be more exciting then spending the first few weeks of your dating life drilling each other. Perhaps instead just snack on each other. Take a nibble here and there and have a good time.

I don't want to sit across the table from you wishing I could run...
This is a zinger for me...happens every single time before I end a relationship or fail to start one for that matter. When sitting with someone and you feel like wow---i need to run for it!!!! ABORT MISSION.

With all that said I am back in the game...slowly finding my way in and out of new lives of interesting people. Stay tuned.

Change Change Change......

2007-06-30T11:45:00.000-04:00

Let me introduce you to my new attempt at life: city living. This process has been so unbelievable as well as good as well as bad as well as confusing. Getting used to:

1.) parking 4 blocks away
2.) taking my dog out for a walk instead of having a dog door
3.) sharing a building with neighbors who keep sending me nasty grams with stuff like "we understand you are taking deliveries through the lobby" "we understand you did not use the elevator pads"
4.) walking everywhere--which is good not bad
5.) having a yoga studio just a hop skip and a jump away
6.) running into about 10 men every afternoon at the dog park who seem to be the only do owners in my neighborhood
7.) figuring out that I have to go up on the roof to get my ac serviced...and that would require me to get a key to the back deck of a neighbor and his permission
8.) being away from my old support group
9.) trying to fit every possible thing you need to do when you move into a schedule that is packed with living, working, and job searching
10.) waking up every morning and hoping its just going to eventually work.....

The drama around closing has somewhat subsided. The leak has been repaired...but the huge hole in the ceiling needs to be patched. Eventually it will all work out. Breathing in and out.....

Off to study with Nancy this week...my yoga teacher from Maui. Very excited about getting out of my head and into a different groove that doesn't require stressing about license plates, leaks, cranky neighbors, or anything else on the list!

Closure--Literally

2007-05-20T17:03:00.000-04:00

This last week has been the biggest nightmare of my life. To summarize:

1.) Buyers mortgage “suddenly” feel through.

2.) All real estate agents involved in the problem, that would be Andy Higgins and Mary something a rather were completely incompetent to resolve this problem. These idiots actually thought they were going to get Bank of America to provide a loan to my buyers after the lender did not return any calls for TWO DAYS.

3.) After Bank of America did respond to the buyers guess what-----these morons decided to cash out some of their 401K to cover the difference needed in the new loan(is anyone asking why did they need a new loan in the first place? Where is the accountability from the lender on the first mistake? Why isn’t someone standing on the desk of the mortgage guy?) and then decided to have this check sent in the US MAIL. I am shaking my head while I write this.

4.) The idiot agent duo didn’t even think WOW---these people used to have a mortgage approved by Chevy Chase Bank, maybe we should call them again. ITS FRIDAY PEOPLE. I screamed at my agent after finding out about the check and said by 11am they had to contact a new lender.

5.) Of course the idiot duo are telling me all about how Chevy Chase Bank is well known in the area-----I stamped this right out and said I am really tired of hearing who you know, how you are a BIG SHOT and just about everything else you are saying. In other words....please spare me. Its like I am being sold a car that is going to die 10 minutes after I drive off the lot.

Meanwhile….I am sitting in my new house without buying it. Perfect. Sitting on a pre-occupancy agreement that is costing me $100/day. What am I going to do?

1.) Get BRIDGED. This happened Thursday afternoon, right after the 401k call which slapped me into reality QUICK. E*Trade mortgage broker calls back, sorry you don’t quality for a bridge.

2.) My DC agent looks at me and says WHAT? That is ridiculous we are calling my mortgage guy and he is going to get this DONE.

3.) After moving all day I drag my ass up to local coffee shop and fill out an online application. Get back to my new place and immediately get a call from the new mortgage broker, Matt Gilday. This guy rocks and is totally on it. Gets it signed and done by Tuesday afternoon.

4 .) Meanwhile, the buyers claim they are ready to close Tuesday afternoon...so we push closing on my new place to Wed. Guess what? Of course, paperwork is not ready! BIG SURPRISE! In the end we ended up closing on Wed morning and I bought my new place Wed afternoon.

Future tips....get a lender that can bridge. Get an agent that has a clue. Make sure about week before the close that you have a mortgage from your buyer. DON"T trust your agent.....next time.

10,000 things....go wrong

2007-05-09T21:32:00.000-04:00

Why is it so HARD to sell and buy a house? Tonights question is motivated by events that are happening to me personally---unfortunately. So, where are we now?

1.) Today, my buyers mortgage vaporized. Two problems: 1 need rental confirmation (um, couldn't they have checked in on this like 6 weeks ago?) 2 they make too MUCH money for the loan program(don't need to repeat myself do I?) Let me say here: DO NOT USE BANK OF AMERICA. I can not believe the horror of today while everyone and their mother who is involved in this process was pained from 9am to 4pm when the finally surfaced and listed these two problems. I am astounded by their complete disregard to the situation...two people waiting to transact obviously AND their lack of preparation. Can you imagine dealing in the final hour with a mortgage broker who is not responding to you?

2.) My other agent, the one working on the property I was to purchase FAILED to cash my escrow check. She kept saying its no PROBLEM. I have been so so so so busy that I just had to go with it. SO, I get a call from my mortage broker about this....of course bc this is a SIGNED contract right???? Who in the end was fine with it but again...hassel.

3.) The same agent FAILED to convey the proper closing time to the sellers. SO, this afternoon she was fighting with the owner about when she planned to vacate. This is all in vain of course because I can't settle before the buyers on my end finish their transaction.

So....where do we go from here besides to the wine cabinet? Tomorrow (fingers crossed) the movers are going to be here at 9am. And they are going to take my things and put them in the truck. I have no idea if I will have a place to take them....I will be sitting here waiting to hear if the closing on my home has completed so I can purchase the new pad. Great. Movers may be sitting around for hours while we wait and wait and wait. All for about 110 an hour of course. And then at some point I am going to have to make a call about whether I move into storage if the whole thing falls apart.

Grrrrrrrrrrr........

My Mug: Take Two

2007-05-02T22:10:00.000-04:00

So my skin is looking and feeling GREAT! Why is this happening????? I have been on Clinque crack for the past two years and need to loose that feeling for good. It seemed like every time I presented myself at the counter there was yet another cream or polish or scrub that I must have to make the whole "system" work for me.

I hate to write this in fear that I will jinx it but here is goes...the new beauty regimen.

1.) Papaya Enzyme Mask
When I was in Maui I had this excellent facial. Afterward I bought this massively over priced small bottle of papaya enzyme. Its powered and I imagine you could purchase it at some health food store or online for much cheaper. In any event....you mix it with plain yogurt (the good stuff not anything filled with corn starch etc you need the enzymes in the yogurt) and slap it on your face once or twice a week for about 10 minutes. Beautiful! It gets things moving if you will and encourages turn over.

2.) Honey
Yes, thats right HONEY. RAW. I also picked this up in Maui and I put it on my face in the shower every morning while I roll through the rest of my routine. Strange. You would think it is sticky but its not. It actually absorbs into your skin with the steam and there is very little to rinse off after you are done with the rest of your shower madness. Plus, it tastes good!

3.) Paula's Choice Super Recovery Antioxidant Oil
This stuff RULES. I put it on my face after I use toner. It seeps in and makes your face feel so smooth and really encourages it not to dry out throughout the day. I put face cream over the top of this and get on with things.

Three small changes and a world of difference. I have finally given up my Clinque habit forever...or at least until this stops working.

My Mug Makes CSI Website

2007-05-02T22:08:00.000-04:00

Ha! I had a great laugh today when a friend from graduate school wrote to me and said:

"is this you on the CSI website?" Or someone that really really looks like you?

It appears that me mid sentence has made the front page......check it out I appear after the block slides to the right that says CSI NetSec 07...

http://gocsi.com/

Expatriate? Not with this group...

2007-04-29T13:14:00.000-04:00

Fantastically funny interview this past week with a company who really needed a full set of clues on how to send someone to India. I went in knowing that the position was of high interest, but with the mind that I was not willing to move unless the package was adequate. Wow. Was I overwhelmed with their arrogance and underwhelmed with their intelligence. Fascinating.

The interview began on the wrong note when the VP explained that "He REALLY needed an American to head over the and get some more work out of these people." Perfect. Like we are running a slave shop. I asked him about his progress, problems and offered my typical bag of India based cultural solutions. He didn't really seem interested in hearing what I had to say, just that he was looking for a salesperson who could get it done. I then offered my 2 cents on how this role should be projected to the outsourcer (in a way that conveys authority and independence). Which was obviously ignored....as when I asked about the package he informed me that:

1.) they would be providing me with funds for traveling to the different locations inside India (like yeah? um, who would not being doing that?) btw: he prefaced this statement with "well let me start off by telling you that we would be paying for"
2.) the outsourcer would be finding me housing. (ok, so I am envisioning having to argue with some middle management moron about what is acceptable and what is not rather than having an allowance)
3.) that he would be flying me home to work with the team in the US 4 times a year. (UGH, that is WAY to much. he obviously has never done that trek over and over and over again. Talk about eating up three weeks every two months.)

And thats it.

UMMMMM....my mind was flushed with a million things that he failed to mention like say a driver? insurance? dual-health care insurance? disability? repatriation insurance?

So I asked about the driver to which he responded that well I could pay for that myself. LOL.

At this point I was finished with the conversation so I asked if there were any more questions......the guy that was also part of the interview that reports to this VP says:

"what REALLY, REALLY scares you about this"

Like he is talking to Susie Smith from small town Kansas who has never left her neighborhood.

I dug in:

"Nothing about India scares me. I have been there during terrorist attacks in Dehli when they shut the city down. I have survived 4 feet of water in Bangalore. What I would need to have to take this type of position is the ability to act as an independent operator with the full support of my US based management. This would entail flexibility in understanding things are going to arise that you do not expect."

Like what he asks??

"For example, India operates on bribes. You have to grease the wheels if you need to get something done like turn on a phone in your apartment. "

LOL. They both sat there like a deer in a fast approaching car's headlights.

"Well, (VP) we would not be interested in being involved with something like that. If you needed to give someone a bribe....you would be on your own....."

Deep Breath. Laugh. Depart. Fully aware that there is a job out there that will take me to India but in no way shape or form is it this one....

And the winner is.....

2007-04-13T17:07:00.000-04:00

Back from my latest adventure in the world of business travel. Charlotte, NC. Humor surrounded by during my visit on all sides.....

1.) neither me or my boss had the correct information for where we were supposed to show up so we did a lot of huffing around town...in new black pumps of course.
2.) men I dined with decided to spend the drink venue discussing the ins and outs of why its great that they never see their wives.
3.) a cab driver assured me that Charlotte was just about over the the demolition it endured after the "Yankees" came through. Its probably important to mention that this cab driver recently arrived from Somalia so this information was definitely picked up during his stay in NC passed along by some bright mind..
4.) I tried to enjoy my Indian meal which was curtailed by the people running the restaurant dimming the lights to almost nothing and telling me they were trying to close....right after they delivered my food. Take out anyone?

All of these activities pale next to the ridiculous stint that occurred during our speaking session. The plan was to raffle a class seat....so I begin casing the room and collecting cards. About 1/3 of the way through the room, I hear my boss ask "What province is the town of Blah in" to which someone answered the correct Canadian province.....and they he gave away the class. Great. So, someone in the crowd says to me "I think he already gave away the class????" To which I responded, well, he is going to have to give away another one.....

So, the message here is continue, all of you, to work on your "thinking on your feet" skills. It works. Ironically the person who asked the question was the WINNER of the class!!!!

Approved!!

2007-04-06T22:24:00.000-04:00

Ahh.....resting easy this afternoon upon learning that Elwood passed the test. Not sure what the test really was? Maybe an owner test? I think the email I had to write to the condo board about Elwood was more about are you a good owner rather than is your pet a maniac. I wrote that we were looking forward to meeting all of our new neighbors and would be taking good care of them by making sure Elwood was not an unhappy barking dog. And they bought it so that is all that matters.

In other news I have to share my new cuticle makeover tool that I am in love with. Paula's Choice, a cosmetic line crafted by the Cosmetic Cop is offering this fantastic Cuticle Stick that fits in your purse with no issues....no worries about the cuticle oil spilling all over the shop. I think this stick has traveled about 5,000 miles with me so far this year and its a breeze to apply when flying, driving, sitting at a keyboard or just doing nothing!!!! Her creams are fantastic as well--love the Super Recovery Anti-Oxidant oil. Its great for super dry skin that seems to creep up on me during winter time!

The Elusive Page 6

2007-04-04T23:20:00.000-04:00

Page 6 where are you?????

Lets back up. Made an offer on a fantastic new place and I am in the throws of all the minutia that accompanies buying and selling----downsizing, giving crap away, evaluating everything I own, finding a mortgage, repairing everything that the home inspector found (to the tune of $2000.00 thank you) and in the midst of it all the condo docs for the new pad arrive today. My biggest concern, of course, is making sure Elvis Woodsman (most know him by Elwood. remind yourself with picture at left) has a well respected place by my side in our new home. Page 5, last section titled "pets" starts off with some comment about it being illegal to breed dogs and then...........nothing. Page 6 is missing. Grrrrr......

So...we wait and see until someone finds the missing page 6. In the meantime, I will get a fresh glass of ice water (ice maker apparently was broken who knew) flood my basement (new sump pump) and turn off and on a light in the basement with the new switch (who knew code required the switch near the door to turn that light on??? here I have been walking across the basement for 5 years!) to get my last few days of enjoyment out of this place now that everything is working so properly and up to code. Hell, I might even go up on the roof and check out the piece of wood that is completely invisible to the naked eye from the ground that required painting (love the home owners association)!

The ides of March

2007-03-22T21:18:00.000-04:00

Ahh....back from Mexico and living in the whirlwind of the Ides of March. Every year something happens during this dreadful time when I assume my astrological signs go bad. One year it was a divorce, another a LSAT score gone bad, or remember that boyfriend that decided no to wear deodorant during this same week....you get the picture.

This week I have lost my car keys, burned my hand with scalding water, lost power at my house for a whole day when I really needed to work, got sick....then got sick again in Mexico and well...the week has not yet ended. Why did I allow a home inspection to occur during this time frame? Curious.

the art of the speaker phone

2007-03-08T12:39:00.000-05:00

my boyfriend has stopped using his headset. i worry it will end our relationship. seriously. all day long i listen to men rattle on about how important and great whatever it is they are referring to or taking about is in a LOUD voice. the last thing i want at the end of the day is to call the sfo to hear a yell in response.

is there an art to the speakerphone? Yes. Apparently there are well documented protocols out there that people are writing about but when do folks inside the walls of the office get a chance to learn about these hard and fast rules? (hard and fast is added her for emphasis) its clear there is a decline of mental capacity inside America, and I fear items like this one, that seem so small and insignificant, are really very very very very important.

So lets look over the simple rules people are talking about:
1.) DONT YELL.
This seems simple, but everyone yells into their cell phone like its a two way radio so I don't envision this habit declining rapidly.
2.)Announce your name in a group setting.
Again, simple manners. People tend to forget that others do not recogonize your voice. Just think of it this way..your not howard stern. or jerry seinfield. or ted kopel. Those are the only people that pop to mind outside of the NPR gang that I would "recogonize" if they called me on the phone.
3.)Don't talk over others.
Stop talking and start listening America. I could use this sentence repeatedly over and over again and it would be applicable to just about everyone I meet. SHUT UP!!!!
4.)Don't take another call when you are on one already!
How many times have you heard Ralph pick up and tell his wife that yeah, he will pick up some wine on the way over to the Howard's that evening? enough said.
5.)Avoid multi-tasking.
Stop shuffling papers and typing while you are on the phone. Trust me, you have TIME for this call that you are taking. Are you Donald Trump? Then maybe you don't have time but then ask your self, Donald, why did you accept the call in the first place?
6.) Turn off your other phone.
I love listening to the macarena or other ridiculous tunes flow out of cell phones (that people have not learned how to turn off??)
7.) Do not EAT or COOK while on the phone.
How about some flames and sizzle please? Some chomping? No thanks. Also, don't take me to McDonald's with you! I am sitting at my computer working and don't need the hunger pangs evoked by listening to your order.
8.)Make sure others can hear you.
How many times is there someone on a call talking and I speak up asking them to increase their volume and everyone else is like yeah, I couldn't hear them either. Make sure people can hear you--and ask people to speak up!

so will the speakerphone end our relationship? no. but i have asked very nicely for him to stop using it all together..... :--)

being sick of being sick

2007-03-07T09:03:00.000-05:00

Ugh. When is the last time you have been really, really sick. It hit light a flash of light on Friday, suddenly I was down for the count. And I mean DOWN. I have not slept this much since I was like 10 years old. Today is Wednesday and finally feeling like being vertical is workable.

When you have nothing to do but stare at the wall its amazing what you can contemplate...consider...and really evaluate. I have spent the last days thinking about life, my house, moving, my relationship, whether I want a family, how my life should be shaping, and where my passions are going to take me next. I have only come up with a few answers but I look forward to the coming weeks to see how the change that I have invited feels inside my life.

I don't think I have mentioned the a fore mentioned "change." I put the house up for sale...or at least its going up for sale tomorrow. Trying to spark some inertia to get the wheels of change up and running again. Its time for a stretch. I am stuck. Stuck. Stuck in the same position and need to be challenged a bit. I am so stressed, freaked out, and otherwise just plain scared about making this change, but in my mind those flags mean....its right.

SuperFood

2007-01-16T20:57:00.000-05:00

Its January and we are all thinking about eating healthy. Everyone of course accept my mother who surprisingly seems to be eating boxes of cookies, cake, chocolate, pie, brownies, and muffins without any recourse. Your right--just returned from a trip to see my family. I survived their attempts to fatten me up and have jumped back into my attempts for finding delightful foods this January that taste good and are good for you.

Over Christmas P and I enjoyed lunch at Mark & Spencers. Next time you find yourself in London, enjoy a bite to eat at their lunch counter that reminds me of the pictures Norman Rockwell painted of past lives. The English have an amazing ability to evoke memories of the past while serving you in the present. They have found a subtle agreement between our attempts to change and hold on to memories.

Yes--about that super food salad...

We enjoyed lunch and I was delightfully inspired to retreat to the other side of the pond and cook up something similar: Super Food Salad

2cp butternut squash
3 beets
1.5 cp broccoli or brocollini
.5 cp of tomatoes
enough lettuce to cover your plate
2 tbls olive oil
1 tps salt
about 1 tbls poppy seeds

Turn the oven on to 400 and peel the squash. Cut into small peices. Attempt to AVOID cutting yourself (I need to be more careful). Place squash into glass dish and lightly toss with olive oil and salt. Roast for about 30 minutes or until cooked. (no longer firm)

While the squash is cooking, take beets and wash them. Poke holes with a fork about 5 times around the fruit (careful...beet juice is used to color things for a reason...) Wrap up each beet in tin foil and place in the oven with the squash. Beets will take about 60 minutes to cook. When you remove the squash, turn the oven down to 350.

As you cook the squash and beets prepare the rest of the salad. First cut up the tomatoes into small pieces or use cherry tomatoes, which make life really easy, and cut them in half. Set aside.

Cut up broccoli and place on a baking sheet covered with tin foil. Set aside until squash and beets are finished cooking. Then spray broccoli lightly with olive oil and place the baking sheet under the broiler for about 5 minutes until the tops start to brown. WATCH the broccoli to make certain you have control over your broiler...which will crisp things quickly.

Place everything you just cooked into a bowl and mix well without squishing the squash. Toss the "salad" with poppy seeds. Salt to taste. If mix seems to dry, add a little olive oil or put some on the dinner table so your guests can doctor it to their taste.

Plate up a bed of lettuce and place the salad on top. Enjoy!

And why is this SUPER?
Poppy Seeds have: "Thiamin, Magnesium, Phosphorus, Zinc and Copper, and a very good source of Calcium and Manganese."

Butternut Squash: "very low in Saturated Fat, Cholesterol and Sodium. It is also a good source of Vitamin E (Alpha Tocopherol), Thiamin, Niacin, Vitamin B6, Folate, Calcium and Magnesium, and a very good source of Vitamin A, Vitamin C, Potassium and Manganese."

Broccoli: "this food is low in Saturated Fat, and very low in Cholesterol. It is also a good source of Protein, Thiamin, Pantothenic Acid, Calcium, Iron, Magnesium and Phosphorus, and a very good source of Dietary Fiber, Vitamin A, Vitamin C, Vitamin E (Alpha Tocopherol), Vitamin K, Riboflavin, Vitamin B6, Folate, Potassium and Manganese."

Tomatoes: "This food is low in Sodium, and very low in Saturated Fat and Cholesterol. It is also a good source of Vitamin E (Alpha Tocopherol), Thiamin, Niacin, Vitamin B6, Folate, Magnesium, Phosphorus and Copper, and a very good source of Dietary Fiber, Vitamin A, Vitamin C, Vitamin K, Potassium and Manganese."

Finally, this recipie should feed about 4 servings at:

157 calories
8 g fat
20g carbohydrates
4.9g sugars
4.8g protein

100% Vitamin A
60% Vitamin C
9% Calcium
9% iron

WOW! That is super!

Drumroll Please: Enter 2007

2007-01-09T23:24:00.000-05:00

Life is catching up with me..slowly and I am on my way back to focusing on the things I love...like writing this blog. This year I am shifting my focus to tell you about two things: my ashtanga practice and my gluten free food quests. I hope the plan will work....fingers crossed.

Today I will simply start by saying I am working to find a balance. My mother used to tell me that I am good at so many things...that it will be difficult to choose. Mastery. Mastery of one item where we focus, and focus, and focus again. This is what ashtanga yoga takes and until a few weeks ago I realized that I was hiding from the commitment. One of the instructors at my studio said:

WHY--WHY are you coming to this class????????? You know what you are suppose to be doing.
Feeling sheepish-I said yes.
You are never going to move, shift, and develop your own practice until you make the commitment.

The "commitment" is Mysore. Mysore is morning practice. Starts at 6am. Ends at 8am. My practice is small so it takes me about 1 1/4 hr. I love Mysore. I hate getting out of bed at 5am. the studio is 35 minutes from my house. I have a dog. I have a job. I have a life.

And this is what George Leonard writes so beautifully about in his book title "Mastery". The commitment that Mastery takes and the process you have to endure along the way. Endure is the wrong word....lets use enjoy as Leonard would like us to...

This book is getting its point across in a lot of ways. I hear people talking about what they want to accomplish instead of where the journey will take them. People quit when they can't win the 12 triathlons they compete in during a summer. People ditch school / marriage / cars/ old pets / boyfriends / hell even their kids!

I am working on enduring the path--enjoying the path--and recording the small, small, small changes it brings me each day.

Time to say Goodbye

2006-07-19T15:12:00.000-04:00

Its over. I gave my notice after 7.5 years at the same company yesterday and today it is settling. In strange ways. I feel happy, more energetic, less stressed. I feel crazed, freaked out, worried about the dog, the travel, the difference that this new life will bring me.

Change. We all need it to stay sharp, focused, and bright. I have thought a lot over the past 5 months about how much the workplace has changed. People I have interviewed with wonder why I have stayed so long. They have challenged me to see beyond my "myopic views." And they have made me realize, slowly that sometimes staying and fighting it out is not the right thing to do.

This process has been long. Six long months of playing with a lot of big guys and realizing that all of them had to offer me the exact same thing that I already have...so where to go instead?

I found myself talking to an old friend over coffee and finding my answer. His new company, a two year old start-up has offered me a sales position. Sales. New, different but perhaps its a better match than I could concoct. I reviewed my list of things I wanted last night:

Job where I talk to people.
Job where I am not in an office all day long behind a computer.
Job where I can work with India.
Job where I can help people solve their problems, but don't have to stick around for all of the details.

I got everything accept for number 3. India will wait.

Priceless: Friends

2006-06-02T23:57:00.000-04:00

A friend came this weekend. Someone who has known my heart for years and accepted me when I was much dumber.

Exciting visions of the weekend played in my head and landed us in front of a group of three live actors at the Studio Theater in DC. Drama, murder, intrigue the critics explained. They failed to mention one small item: the victim was a child and the offender liked kids in a way we don't like to think about.

Frozen is the reason you go to the theater. Trapped in your seat, wondering how to react, exciting? or is this a cheap thrill? How is this man two steps to the left when he no longer has to wear the mask of a pedaphile? Andrew Long was amazing...and his grace allowed me to deal with the intense discomfort of my chosen outing for my dear friend who has four children.

Mr. Long took us down a trail of tears. We wanted to forgive him, hate him, and just marvel at his capability to look like such a freak. My mind churned and I eagerly awaited the intermission where I would spend my built up forgiveness in the real world.

Michelle's thoughts were so close to mine-I like it but don't know if I should? Should-Would? Why? Lots of running emotions as we gushed during our coke break.

Friends. Priceless. They stay in your camp even when they are tending to small fires elsewhere in their lives. Core feelings and beliefs remain, making common thoughts abound. The single girl and mother of four did have much to laugh about--at least we think we were suppose to laugh. Or was it cry?

Thank you Mr. Long. The Shakespeare Theater has Frozen a gem inside Sonnets for too long.

2 months in...Acceptance is approaching..

2006-05-19T22:54:00.000-04:00

"Practice and all is coming" - Sri K. Pattabhi Jois

When can you classify yourself as a Yogi? It feels like the time has arrived.

Over 60 days have past since my formal introduction to yogi in Mexico, courtesy of my dear friend Kim. When I left Mexico I felt amazing and was inspired to bring this newly constructed aura into my every day life. What a difference hitting the matt every morning has made.

I am physically stronger. Neck pains are gone. Hamstring are stretched....at least they are getting stretched. I am not in dying pain when I leave work after a day of "desking".

But all of these things are so subtle when the mental and spiritual side is reviewed. I feel my feet on the floor. It was amazing to be in the kitchen, focusing on a recipe and suddenly be awakened to the feeling of the souls of my feet on the floor. I take deep breaths when I find myself enjoying something .... or hating it so I can breath it in. People seem like open books to me-I feel as if we can immediately get on or their angst/regret/anger/ or other bad vibe is revealed.

Every day I hit my mat and see where it takes me....lately things have been hard. My body is not happy and everyone is trying to figure out why. As I move through the asanas I feel the changes, both good and bad, and realize I am right where I am suppose to be. Here. Now. Driving down the road that is my life.

Yesterday for the first time I found myself able to perform the pada hastasana. In this pose, you place your hands under your feet and straighten your legs. I felt like a full circle as my hamstrings finally released for a moment and allowed me to take the plunge into straightness met by curves.

Tomorrow this pose may continue to elude me and thats ok. Sounds like a yogi to me..Namaste.

A poem for afternoon coffee....

2006-05-18T18:17:00.000-04:00

Have to post this poem that made me smile today...

Recently GW was quoted as saying "I am the decider so I get to decide...."

I'm the decider.
I pick and I choose.
I pick among whats.
And choose among whos.
And as I decide
Each particular day
The things I decide on
All turn out that way.

I decided on Freedom
For all of Iraq.
And now that they have it,
I'm not looking back.

I decided on tax cuts
That just help the wealthy.
And Medicare changes
That aren't really healthy.

And parklands and wetlands
Who needs all that stuff?
I decided that none
Would be more than enough!

I decided that schools
All in all are the best
The less that they teach
And more that they test.

I decided those wages
You need to get by
Are much better spent
On some CEO guy.

I decided your Wade
Which was versing your Roe
Is terribly awful
And just has to go.

I decided that levees
Are not really needed.
Now when hurricanes come
They come unimpeded.

That old Constitution?
Well, I have decided
It's "just goddam paper"
It should be derided.

I've decided gay marriage
Is icky and weird.
Above all other things,
It's the one to be feared.

And Cheney and Rummy
And Condi all know
That I'm the Decider -
They tell me it's so.

I'm the Decider
So watch what you say
Or I may decide
To whisk you away.

Or I'll tap your phones.
Your e-mail I'll read.
`cause I'm the Decider -
Like Jesus decreed.

Yes, I'm the Decider
The finest alive
And I'm nuking Iran.
Now ... watch this drive!

Now that I think about it, Dr. Seuss anticipated this administration
pretty well when he wrote Yertle the Turtle...Roddy McCorley

Getting Poked...

2006-04-22T21:19:00.000-04:00

Deep Breath...

That is what the "Dr" asks me to do...take a deep breath right before he aims and fires a random assortment of needles into my flesh. Acupuncture. I am getting it 3 times a week....

I was telling a friend about this yesterday and I could hear her squirming on the other end of the phone "please, STOP you are making me sick thinking of someone poking needles into me.."

Aupuncture is something I immediately considered when I ran into my most recent health challenge. Why? because I have many friends who have had remarkable successes with needle medicine.

I have researched it...and determined that no one really knows much about this ancient art, actually no one can agree how long ago it was invented...try it yourself, type in acupuncture. What pops is an assortment of information about the history of acupuncture and its successes or limited success and of course varying history babbles with 2000-4000 years about being the origin date.

acupuncture is much different than I expected. It doesn't "hurt" most of the time. Instead I feel a dull push when he pokes me and sometimes I twist. I immediately fall asleep after I have a few needles plugged in. Deep sleep where I start dreaming and usually have a twitch here and there that wakes me up. What do I dream of? Its strange to admit it, but food. Not eating the food but cooking it. I dreamed of finding a beautiful artichoke and making a grilled cheese sandwich and serving up a beautiful tuna steak.

Today, Dr. Su said "Thinking to much, listen more. Stop Thinking" when I complained profusely about the pain accompanying his poke between my eyes and at the top of my skull. What does this mean...Thinking to much...Listen more? What if I am thinking about what I heard?

Maybe all of this rushes back to the idea of living in the present and feeling the love. Dr. Sue claims people have muscle memory. He says--how are you? Irritated!!! I proclaim. Okay, why? And then I think of all of the things I am irritated about, which are completely ridiculous and unjustified and, and, and....I say I don't know and realize that life is pretty great and that I need to well..... Think less...listen more..

Holding my breath....

2006-04-06T23:59:00.000-04:00

Finally back to the real world...one that exists beyond this window that held me softly for a full 10 days of sheer bliss.

Although I learned so much while I was away immersing myself in Ashtanga yoga for 10 days, the one thing that I continue to come back to is breath.

Ashtanga teaches you to watch your breath, to move it, to move with it, to use it, to manipulate it...you get the picture.

BUT, there is just one problem........I hold mine.

Upon reflecting, I have been holding for quite some time. I catch myself not breathing in certain situations, like gaming the blood pressure machine...or trying to be quite so I can hear something...

But these are conscious times, times when I actively decide to do something and by body said, "hey, hold your breath, that will help!

It seems that my breath holding is not limited to these activities... Now that I am home, I catch myself doing it all the time. Driving, sleeping, typing, listening to something I don't like at meetings, reacting to something a person is sharing....thinking..

And so I am working on breathing. NOT just when I roll out my mat, but all day long.

Breathing when I hear something repulsive, something that makes me squirm, angry, irritated. Breathing when I hear that I am loved, adored, smart, admired.
And Breathing at all times inbetween.

I realize that breathing in and out all day long pulls you just a bit closer to the reality of your existence. You breath in the bad and learn to bear it. You breath in the love instead of trying to hold it. You breath in life...and hope that it continues to give you fresh air.

Are you holding your breath? Start thinking about it.....One of my favorite people recently told me that she totally understood this concept...that she feels like launching a big exhale as soon as she leaves our town and returns to a place that used to be home. A big exhale....we didn't talk about the inhale but I imagine that she would agree that it feels great.

Technology "News"?

2006-03-05T15:29:00.000-05:00

I have become fascinated lately with the ongoing "news" headlines regarding the newly critizied love triangle between the internet, china, and big tech firms.

Lets start with the tech firms. Here is a recent story: Yahoo implicated in Chinese dissident's jailing

The author appears to be conveying a sense of "shock" here...that we should be surprised that Yahoo turned over information that was requested by the Chinese government. So what we have here is a business, that was sent a formal request for information, to which they replied. Unfortunately, the result of this action shed light on the identify of an individual that has been acting in a "criminal manner" in his resident country.

Why is Yahoo's behavior, the actual action taken by the company any different than what happened here? Spammer Jailed for Stock Scam Its not, yah? The only difference is the reporter chose not to include the details of how Yahoo searched through its logs to determine who this particular criminal was when asked by law enforcement for its records.

I am fascinated with this lens being used by Western media groups. Why not get it out there straight, instead of running round the post, quite literally, making puny accusations about culpability, when really these companies are only doing what they are legally obligated to perform. They would be terrorized by the same groups if they read through the individuals blog postings, in this case, and decided not to hand over the records. How can we ask Yahoo to act in a "God" like fashion? Is this right?

Can we say that U.S. companies should not operate in any country that has policies that do not mirror our own? Why am I not hearing this chant in any other business sector? Like for example, clothing? computers? watches? plastic? steel? Where are the groups that are organizing protests against buying goods made in China?

I am the first one to abhor China and its repressive laws. But, from a philosophical perspective the way to approach this issue is by pressing the delete button on feelings surrounding China's policies and focus only on these tech company accusations. What prejudices are interfering with our inability to juxtapose China profiting gained by making products for the Western world and the rest of the world making money from China's newly employed citizens? We want cheap products from China because we are unwilling to pay for the cost of American labor to make the same items. But, its not okay for American companies to make money off of China's citizens? Why is this "incredule?"

To Many Choices...

2006-02-24T14:51:00.000-05:00

I have become an audiophile...Why? I was inspired to after realizing I could read more books this way...maximizing my time by listening at the gym and in the car.

Ironcially the first book I selected is about creating a career path by looking deep into your wants, desire, dreams, and goals. In other words, making the "right" choices. I have begun to wonder how someone who can not seem to stick with a book choice, and therfore becomes an audiophile so she can consume 2, 3, 4 books at once can become qualified to make choices about career steps.

In the "Anti-Career Guide" Rick Jarow stuck me with his discussions about work and the definition of the word in American Christian orgins. He claims, and I totally agree, that Christian values that founded this country belive that if you work, you will be saved...and the harder you work, the better chance. What a remarkable idea...work can actually be fun.

I know a few people that have this experience...and I am sure you do as well. They are the envy of the world...those who choose something they would do after 9-5 if they couldn't do it during the work-day.

The author's point is valid--you should figure out what you love and do it. Then work will become life as life is not work.

With these boundaries established, I still find myself in a quandry for two reasons. First, what do I love to do? Talk to people. Help them. Teach them. Teach myself. Be a mentor. See the big picture. Learn about other cultures. Make a difference. Make the internet easy and safe to use.

How do these answers equate to a job selection? Wow, they end up giving me back lots and lots of choices. Location choices, position choices, field choices. Enless choices. This is similar to the experience I had a whole foods yesterday, when I wanted a green tea to accompany my lunch...and realized they had several different kinds of unsweetened green tea. (why??)

Which leads me to the next book I am reading...The World is Flat. Here I am learning that my choices are unlimited. Although, I already kind of knew that. And that the world is changing at lightening speed in the world of work...making it critical to open our minds to new options...to try out new ideas...to build ideas into products.

Where to from here? Again, choices. I will keep you posted on the coming selections...changes...choices..

Learned Help-less-ness

2006-02-18T02:07:00.000-05:00

New term for those unfamiliar....I was until I was enlightened by a brilliant man named Mudge this week. Mudge is a computer geek--so he was using this term to describe our inability to take care of ourselves, our networks really, when we learn of vulnerabilities and think our only solution is to wait for a patch....from the vendor.

Lets skip the whys and whats of this whole discussion cause I am computer-ed out for the week. But I would love to share my thoughts on using this term generally in life. I have thought about this over and over and over again during my last few days in CA and through the experiences of negotiating the trip back. There are many amongst us that are operating in this fashion. The ticket counter at UNITED--prime example. One of the auto-check-in counters is out of paper...and therefore is unable to print out a ticket. What do people do??? They wait and wait and wait and wait for someone to come by and then ask them what should I do? Instead of just taking ACTION and trying a different terminal.

We are so fearful. Fearful of messing something up. This is a great example of fear. I thought to myself WHAT could possibility be the Worst Case Scenario (WCS) here? Are people afraid that they have checked in once...so if they try to us a different computer they will not be able to take the flight? Does this make ANY SENSE?

And here we are: learned help-less-ness. We would RATHER sit on our laurels and wait for someone to help us. Perhaps we decide what our required level of effort should be and then make judgments from here. Should we only be required to spend 2 minutes of thinking time when we attempt to check-in? And so when that time elapses, and things go a-rye...well we freak out and wait for someone to come and cuddle us like a baby.

WE expect people to help us, to do things for us, and to be taken care of. This is the same mentality that gets us into trouble when crime happens around us. "Oh yeah officer, I saw them practicing crazy car maneuvers in front of my house for the past few months, but I didn't report it...I just figured they were having fun."

Yeah! When they robbed the bank around the corner! Or blew up a building!

This is NOT to say I am immune to this behavior...actually I spent a good deal of time thinking about it on my way home and resolving to become my own "personal helper" who works JUST FOR ME!! on my problems as I wander through the next few months. I will keep you posted on awareness of learned help-less-ness and my strategy of implementing a personal helper.

Feel the love...

2006-02-07T21:34:00.000-05:00

And put your head down...rest slowly into Child's Pose...and feel the love coming up through the earth surrounding you with healing warmth....

How I wanted to feel the love my Yoga instructor was calling forth yesterday. My favorite pose, the Child's Pose...where you feel so swallowed up by the world was not cutting through the black cloud that has been hovering overhead for the past few weeks. Today is the first day I feel "righted" but still different. The doctors located a lump in my breast a few weeks ago, which they assure me is "not cancerous." This has proven to be another turning point in my life. When I was still unsure what they would say, I came home and thought to myself--if I have cancer what will I wish I did that I have not yet done? What will I look at and say WHY didn't you do that dummy? You wanted to!

These words have been ringing in my head for weeks. Am I happy in my path? Do I like where I live? How does my kitchen feel? Do I need a new pair of jeans? (incidentally the answer here is yes...)

Armed with a few answers I am on the road to a revamp. Three long years of waiting for a chance to look inward has arrived. My ears are open to those around me..Listening to them I mean. I believe people slowly tell you your story as you wander through life and if you pay enough attention...they will tell you when you are falling off track..or right on...or possibly alert you that your track needs a new direction.

This morning a wise man at the coffee shop mentioned that he was "surprised it has taken me such a short time to start thinking of other life pursuits."

I am listening...

MY new tall girl jeans...

2006-01-22T21:10:00.000-05:00

After I passed by 5 9 all hell broke loose in terms of finding pants not intended for a flood. I remember the first time I had a pair of jeans that were long enough...they were boys 501 Levis, with a 34 inseam. Heaven.

This problem obviously has not gone away...but after working on a closet clean out for several weekends in a row, I see how desperately I need new clothes.

I now have time to shop and FIND new pants that are long enough (I have been wearing flat shoes way to often over the past two years of graduate school). I went shopping last weekend, Filenes Basement. Tried on 37 (NO, I am not exaggerating) and found one pair that was long enough. Ran to the cash register and purchased them. Next day, headed out to the local outlet stores, specifically targeting Benneton and Saxs. Tried on 10 pairs, no luck.
Math
GAS: probably about 30 miles of driving
TIME: Two weekend days.
Result: One pair of pants

Results of this equation spell out the obvious: I will pay for pants that fit.

Its funny how life just works out. A few days later, I was out to dinner with P and we walked by a lucky jeans store. Went in on a WHIM and wow--they have LONG and EXTRA LONG!!!! WHOOO!!! It was a major jackpot. I almost started crying when I tried some on and they totally fit! AMAZING!

Smoke Free for 10 Days...and continuing to count

2006-01-22T20:50:00.000-05:00

I love the FRENCH! Look at this great diagram about all of the BAD things inside cigarettes. Even if you don't know any French you can latch on to the SKULLS!!!

I am going to print this out and put it somewhere...

New Years Resolution? people keep asking...no I resolved to quit smoking after graduate school when I could give myself a chance for success.

Its always funny to quit because I tell people (you know for accountability) and inevitably they respond with --YOU SMOKE? I had no idea. WOW you totally don't fit that profile...you are so healthy, like the healthiest person I know.

These folks are right-I am so damn healthy its insane. Gluten allergy keeps me from eating most American foods that come in a box, or bag for that matter. I have to constantly monitor what I am eating to make sure I am getting way more iron than I need...poor absorption. All of this has been made much easier with myfooddiary.com. LOVE THIS SITE. You can track everything you are eating, including all of the recipes you make which you enter manually ingredient by ingredient and save in your "Frig", and at the end of the day you get a geeky chart telling you all about what you ate....today I got up to 32g of FIBER and 7 g of IRON. WHooo!

ANYWAY, back to the smoking quitting project. Things I am doing:

1.) YOGA--starting a practice at a local studio and going to my gym twice a week.
2.) PILATES-Continuing my practice with the awesome teacher at my gym. Starting private sessions.
3.) CARDIO--Trying to hit the gym twice a week, 30 minute pops to get some cardio in.
4.) MEDITATION--Started meditating a few months ago...its not easy but I am trying to expand my practice.
5.) Stop-IT! Smoking tablets--I bought the whole STOP IT! Smoking system at Whole Foods (LOVE IT!). While these are chalk full of herbs that are suppose to help decrease cravings...they are also prescribed on a tricky regimen that I believe helps more than anything. Its like a small ongoing project all day to remember oh, I just ate a lozenge so I can not eat anything for 10 minutes..or I need to suck on this lozenge, not bite it.

10 days and I continue to count down. I read recently that it takes at least 21 days to incorporate new habits into your lifestyle...I will keep you posted.

T-10 Days Until GRADUATION

2005-12-01T20:38:00.000-05:00

This week I have noticed..

My step is lighter
My laughter is louder
My stress level is decreasing
AND...
I am sick of writing, writing, writing..

Today I was occupying myself with things I want to accomplish next year. It started off with one simple thing:

Go on to the roof and see whats doing.

Yeah, I came up with other ideas..but this idea has been dancing in my brain all day (swaying of course to the song selected by the jutebox(the music machine endlessly playing on in my brain), It will be a blue Christmas without you).

These thoughts spanned after reviewing a new yorker magazine article this week about how few hours the french work and how many hours we work in the US. Okay, so before reading this I was PRETTY jealous of the french with their mandated 35 hour work week and their 6 weeks off a year...

But the author had one point I can't get my brain off of: Because we work so much in the US we create a whole pile of jobs because we don't have time to do things ourselves.

Case in point: going up on to the roof and seeing whats doing.

Now, lets be reasonable here, someone is up on my roof at least 3-4 times a year. His name is Adam. I "saw" him a few days ago when I peered out my window and saw him streamlining toward my home with a very, very tall ladder. This guy drops by every few months, leaves a note to say "Hey! I am cleaning gutters in your neighborhood...Are you interested? If so leave me a check". This is not the last letter I receive from Adam. This guy is the best! He writes me notes about the roof....whats the status, whats good, whats not etc.

So, do I trust Adam? Of course! I mean my gutters are not spilling over and I have seen him in action and his logs of roof top details are very interesting and very consistent...seems he is not happy with the DirectTV installation something about a cable cord being in the gutter...and he says the fan is "well sealed" and the gutters are "tight" .

It just seems like it might be time for me to get up there myself....perhaps if I moved to france these luxuries would be much easier to obtain.

Back from ATLANTA!

2005-11-19T16:35:00.000-05:00

P and I had a great getaway weekend in Atlanta. Warm breezes, good food, cooking, museums, and lunch with Julie filled our weekend with happiness! This was the India detox trip and it was just what I needed before buckling down and finishing graduate school! WOW--do I have a great boyfriend or WHAT?

We stayed at the Georgian Terrace, and old hotel in Midtown. It was a beautiful place with a kitchen in the room! We were very excited about the idea of cooking breakfast...until we realized that the hotel wanted to charge us 25 dollars a day to borrow some pots and pans AND 25 dollars a day to loan us plates and silverware! Always the problem solvers we headed over to the grocery store around the corner and found a 12 dollar pan, plastic plates and cutlery, and a much needed knife! The best thing we bought was some seasoned raw shrimp! We asked the woman to add some spices she had sitting on the counter and she happily obliged. These guys cooked up in a flash for a great snack.

We checked out the Botanical Gardens on our first venture out. They had a train exhibit set up outside. It was amazing!

All of these exhitibts were created out of organic materials...and made to look like local attractions. Here is a picture of Turner Field.

We had fun checking out the indoor plants as well. P is standing near this weird tree that has very soft bark.

A lot of plants were from South Africa...making me excited to view the landscape of this country with my own eyes in a few months.

We headed over to check out Olympic Park on other day. During our outing P and I have decided to rate all of the Olympic locations that we visit. Atlanta will be our second following the winter trip we took to Munich. I think we both agree that Munich was much cooler than the area put together in Atlanta. Munich's sky lounge and elaborate glass structures created to cover the swimming pools and other exhibition halls were unbelievable.

Atlanta does have some interesting components. They allowed people to purchase bricks so there are sidewalks made of personalized bricks throughout the park.

The fountain is amazing. It resides on the ground, forming the olympic rings in brick. It is coordinated to music at different times of the day. Its HUGE!

It is a very peaceful place in the middle of this bubbling city. I appreciate the quiet of America so much more after returning from India. We take the clean air and quiet city afternoons for granted here.

Finally, the quilts. There are several of them on one side of the park. Each has a message it is trying to convey. This one is showing the evolution of the Olympics through out time.

Other quilts included tributes to the medal winners, statements about terrorism and the importance of the global event. I imagine these were added after the actual games ended which give the park a sense of historical record not evident in Munich. If anything, the Germans have conveniently forgotten the terrorist incident that occurred on their grounds. There is no tribute or any information available on the kidnapping event that took place there.

All and all it was a GREAT WEEKEND! So wonderful to spend some time with P, see an old friend, relax and check out the city!

Experiences

2005-11-07T16:10:00.000-05:00

Back in the US and feeling very overwhelmed...perhaps gaining so much insight into things is bad when you attempt to step back in to mainstream America. Over-stimulation. To much information. To much vivid reality...vivid smells...vivid colors clouding up my brains.

It feels like simple things people are freaking about are somewhat ridiculous compared to the people I saw last week eating and peeing on the same street. But this is the reality of the world and I can't fault people for minding their life...its what I will be doing in a few weeks when I recover.

I was at a silk store on Sunday for assorted reasons and overheard this woman talking about how silk farmers own these beautiful small farms, family businesses, they work for a very small clientele, and on it went...it was the story of silk farmers that American's want to hear. I assume they know better.

Ironically, the man helping P and I, after hearing this woman, proceeded to tell us about how he is setting up a silk factory in Bangalore. Two totally different worlds and experiences operating with in 10 feet of each other and successfully selling the same thing. Is this America? How did that man know, I wonder, that we would rather hear about his silk factory than the "story of the silk farmer?"

So over the past day or so I have been thinking about dramatic experiences in my life...things that have startled me...

Earthquake in San Francisco
First earthquake. I had just arrived in the city by the bay to enjoy my delicious bed at the W hotel...they have this ridiculous mattress topper there that is like 5 inches thick...pure heaven.

After a run, shower, and reading away....I drifted into a beautiful sleep until my bed started cruising around the room. All I could think was WOW, those people in the room next to me are having crazy sex! Um...no.

Training in Delhi after the 10/29 Bombings
In the middle of setting up projectors and other technical equipment, someone comes into the room and asks if they can turn on the TV. I look at the TV as the man is watching it and understand nothing that is being said....but see all of the pictures and the horror growing on his face..

As my students piled in over the next few hours...I saw their questioning faces...wondering where their peers were...cars were arriving late because the streets were closed off. Communication was sparse throughout the evening before I left for the next city on my tour. ..which seemed to soon to be honest. I felt like I wanted to know what happened...were they all okay?

Riots in Miami
Running to meet with a client in Miami...I was cabed there by a complete FREAKSHOW. This guy was dressed up in a complete Dallas Cowboy outfit. Sweatpants, sweat shirt and yes, SWEAT BANDS on his head and wrists! I got into the back seat and almost fell on the floor because there was SO MUCH vinyl cleaner on the seat...

As we were driving there, I noticed a child in the front seat(in a car seat) and thought, hmm...that kid looks way to young to be up there and wow, he or she is very quiet. Yeah, that was not a child, it was a CHUCKIE doll dressed in the same outfit as the driver. LOL. The airport is close, thankfully.

But anyway, in the middle of the chuckie recognition, I hear on the radio that Janet Reno has ordered the removal of Elian Gonzalez from his temporary US home.

I enjoyed the peace of my Miami hotel room for about an hour before I noticed a simple note slipped under my door, notifying patrons there may be riots in the streets with regard. I love hotels--so helpful. NOT.

Riots in the streets ensued...people chanting and screaming about Janet Reno, shutting down main roads.... In retrospect its just fascinating that Reno showed up there a few years later in a political race.

Fire in London
Love the British. Upon check-in or arrival at a business they always show you a map of the emergency exits. This map should be STUDIED closely so when a fire breaks out by the front desk of the hotel, sounding the elementary school bell fire alarm in your hotel room, you know how to get out of the hotel.

After this I made a mental note to always take the stairs down once I arrive at my hotel...so I at least know where they are....

Flat tire in Agra
A flat tire anywhere is a PAIN, but in Agra, India...its crazy.

A bicyclist tore off the plug to one of the tires on the car I hired to drive me to the Taj. It was a complete blow out! I can still hear the sound and see the air flying out and everyone on the crowded Agra street reacting to it...remember most people are on bikes or in open air vehicles like rickshaws.

The driver pulled over and started changing the tire. I got out of the car and people started stopping and staring at me on the street. I don't think you can stay in the car when you have a flat as you need to jack up the tire to change it...at least this is what I have been told.....so I just decided to wave to everyone. It worked--well kind of. People still stood there and stared but some folks moved on.

We have a flat tire in the truck and the spare on the car...4 hours from where we are going. Yeah, time to stop and the "tire shop." This would be a blue tarp tent on the side of the road. Here you will find a man that has some how acquired an air compressor...I have NOT ONE CLUE where the power to operate such a device comes from but this thing is HUGE! Its about 3 feet long. The driver speaks with him and he pulls back a board from the pallet that forms the bottom of this tent...out comes the tube we are seeking to fix out tire...

The Taj!

2005-10-31T12:57:00.000-05:00

Here is our chalet to the Taj. The funny thing? This old beat up van is "pollution free." No idea how they managed this...perhaps they removed the whole engine and replaced it? Troy is talking to our guide in this shot--our driver acquired his services. It became very apparent that we needed an escort as the day wore on.

Here is the entrance to the Taj looking back from the Taj itself. I was to busy taking videos...until they took away my camera... to get this building from the front! This gives you an idea of how large this landscape is...the entrance to the Taj is a little under a 10 minute walk.

To give you a better idea of its size...remember this is just the entrance!

As you walk through this building there is an opening that is designed to "frame" the Taj

On the other side they take away your video camera and lock it in a locker, giving you the key. I love India, you never know if there is really a locker, if there is really someone handling these things....your guide just tells you that you have to pay the man standing by this entrance 50 rupees to run your camera past the door, and then you have to pay him 50 more rupees to store your camera.

We got some good pics while walking toward the Taj, primarily because our guide yelled at people to move out of the way and told us where the good shots were! This one would have been perfect...damn that hand!

On each side of the Taj is a "poor man's Taj". CRAZY! These buildings were designed to balance the Taj. One was originally a temple and the other was a guest house. They are identical!

Not sure what the story on this was...lots of women dipping their feet in the pool outside the poor man Taj

So before you are allowed to enter the Taj you have to cover your feet or take off your shoes. Yeah you are in INDIA where most people do not have shoes so you choose to cover your feet...and hopefully you have a guide like we did who brings covers for you...cause guess what? There is no one assigned to this duty, just a bunch of folks that show up everyday a pull the old covers out of the trash and sell them to you for a variety of prices....Guard = GOOD.

And we are off! Here is the walkway you take to get up to the main level of the Taj.

Finally when you get up to the top...guess what? IMPOSSIBLE to take a pic of this thing! Just to big! And then you can't take a pic inside....not allowed! So you get in line and the guide pushes and shoves you through the door while paying off the guard to get you through...and shows you all of the special jewels that are carved into the marble. Here is a picture of some work outside the door...there is much much more inside.

The Taj was amazing, beautiful, overwhelming...so according to the learning channel, I have 8 more wonders to observe:

1. Great Wall of China
2. Pyramids
3. Angkor Wat
4. Panama Canal
5. Sydney Opera House
6. Taj Mahal
7. Mount Rushmore
8. Trans-Siberian Railroad
9. Machu Picchu
10. Golden Gate Bridge

Think I will hold out on the Pyramids until the terrorism calms down a bit...had enough of being in cities being bombed for a while...perhaps I should see if the Machu Picchu railroad is running again...

Why you should check the State Dept web site...

2005-10-30T12:28:00.000-05:00

October 10th warning stated that facilities associated with the US or locations in which US citizens and other foreign nationals are likely to be present could be targeted...attacks could include suicide car bombings.... No information is provided about the identity of the possible attackers, but candidates include the various Kashmiri-based militant groups that were implicated in bomb attacks at a central market in Mumbai in 2003 and an assault on parliament buildings in Delhi in 2001....

Message from my travel department....letting me know that the state dept has issued a warning about travel to India...after checking that I was still "beating"

Thanks!.... I told them....since I am on the ground here I will send you updated coverage on what is happening.....and will try to avoid crowded places (like this is possible in a country with 1 billion people) and places where international travelers hang out(um like any nice hotel in India?????)

NOTE TO SELF: Check State Dept web site EVERY DAY before you leave and while you are in country for updates.

Bombs blast Delhi

2005-10-29T10:02:00.000-04:00

One of the things I have been working on over the past year is taking care of myself. Making it a priority. Today, I am thankful for my efforts.

Last night our host at the Delhi call center invited troy and I to shop at the markets before we arrived at the call center--lets leave the hotel around 5pm he said.

After waking up around 10am (we work 5pm-5am) I was exhausted. I caught up with P on skype and then headed to lunch. Troy and I discussed our options...and decided that we should naps instead.

Upon our arrival we learned that the same markets that we were suppose to be shopping at are exactly where those bombs went off......

We leave this crazy place tomorrow...heading to Mumbai.

Traveling to the TAJ

2005-10-28T13:37:00.000-04:00

The trip to Agra is four hours from Delhi. Sleep in the car? Not on this trip.

I am going to write about what I saw yesterday on my journey to the Taj then I will show you how beautiful it is in my next entry...in an attempt to separate the two worlds that you experience on this trek. India is India, there is a new surprise around every corner.

Our driver arrived to fetch us at 7am..early considering we were delayed by the combination of rains in Bangalore and a helicopter accident closing one of the runways making us arrive very late to Delhi.

One of the first things we noticed on our drive was the dramatic increase in soot in the air. Delhi seems much dirtier than last year. It reminds me of the old movies about London when they employed burning gas lights, there is a haze over everything. I traveled to London with my family a few years back and they spoke of how dirty the air was during this time....not only can I imagine it..I have experienced it first hand. You know the air is dirty when you feel it on your teeth.

Camels....carrying everything you can imagine...more specifically, rice, dirt, beans, wheat...placing a new perspective on the indian rice I purchase from my local Indian store.

People are using animals to move everything here. Rocks, people, stacks of silk(I wanted to reach out and grab some brightly colored scarves), boxes full of televisions (NEW!)...bicycles, animals and people pulling carts all working to move everything everywhere.

And all of this is experienced while passing through extreme poverty on each side of the road.

And then the farms coming rolling in where people are growing rice and living in mud huts...just like this one.

And finally we arrive in Agra...and head to pick up our guide...

Raining, Raining, Raining......

2005-10-26T00:08:00.000-04:00

Its raining..like you can not imagine here. Today on the way to the call center the roads were flooded in some sections with cars stalled out.

The ironic India continues to amaze me as we drive along the flooded streets, which are likely filled with sewage, trash, and anything else the water could grab, and you see the buildings, probably about 30 of them being constructed for future outsource contracts. These buildings look just like they do at home, empty concrete shells that will eventually look like modern office buildings. In front of them are pictures of what they will look like when completed, beautiful and sparkling ready to be inhabited by the highest bidder.

Along the streets they are attempting to install fiber, or more internet lines. The brightly colored cables float on the side of the road...no one thought to protect them before the downpour.

We leave today to head to Delhi. Tomorrow we head to the Taj!

How to get fit...in India

2005-10-24T13:44:00.000-04:00

When ever I come to India, I hit the gym. Gyms here are usually in the basement so they are quiet....

The gym at my current hotel is a bit different. Basement yes, quiet, yes, weird DEFINITELY. First, there is the man that works there. His job is to provide you with water and towels while you are working out. The procedure he uses to implement this job are as follows.

1.) You walk in and he hands you a towel and water. I always reject the water and he gets fussy but gets over it. "Mame, you need water".

2.) You start doing your business on the treadmill and he just stands there and stares at you. Today I decided to see how long this could go on conducting a research survey called:

How Long will the Indian Man in the Gym Stare at me?

So this is interesting...talk about a great way to "breakthrough" any goals you may have set for yourself. I am NEVER on the treadmill for more than about 45 minutes. Today? 57 minutes I walked along with my Indian pal right there staring at me.

3.) Yesterday I asked the man to leave the gym, nicely of course at first and then firmly on a second try. He promptly left...then started pacing back and forth outside the gym, passing by the window about every 3 minutes....checking on me from the hallway.

4.) Perhaps the problem is they are working on turning those that work out there into people that look like this:

Surprisingly this poster is on the wall accompanied by other photos advertising muscle drinks.....hmmmm....

Beautiful scene outside the hotel

2005-10-24T11:43:00.000-04:00

yes, you to could have this glorious view of traffic in Bangalore...for only 290 a night!

1.) Yes, that is a hole in the street next to the orange flowered tree. No clue what they are doing, but that whole has filled up with water twice now. Someone mentioned telephone wires...

2.) Those yellow topped things are rickshaws....lots of them in the city. They are three wheelers, pretty sure they just drop the body onto a three wheeler as the driver has the same handlebars, you know the one with the breaks?

3.) On top of the building on the right, which by the way has no windows on the top floor, there is a bunch of people that seem to have set up shop. Yesterday when it rained---over 121 cm so flooded--they washed their clothes in the mud puddles.

4.) I so wish I could send you the noise...there is no peace here only honking that starts at 6am every morning and ends around 2am. These people are on such disruptive schedules with the combination working on Indian time and the influx of work from Europe and the US offering hours starting at 3am in the morning.

5.) Behind the gas station a lake has shown up, full of dirty water from the rains over the last few days.

6.) No, thats not a cloudy day...thats the soot that sets in over the city about an hour after sunrise...there is no "sun" here as we think of it.

Motorcycle Accident

2005-10-23T15:51:00.000-04:00

Yes, I got hit by a motorcycle yesterday. Troy and I went for a walk down M. G. Road to check out the sites. I was walking along and then stopped, looking at something on the street...then BAM. A motorcycle like this one came flying out of a driveway crashing soundly into my leg. Troy was yelling "STOP" and trying to grab me. Thing was, I was pretty much stopped already and this jackass was not paying attention.

WHY? Because in India the right of way is backwards. The biggest truck as the right of way, followed by smaller cars, rickshaws, motorcycles, bicycles, and then the ever discriminated against pedestrian.

The driver of the motorcycle just made a weird noise, then smiled, like this guy, and drove off. Injuries include a very swollen knee and big bruise on my leg. But, I was able to walk on the treadmill today...so I will heal eventually.

This mornings paper....

2005-10-23T15:01:00.000-04:00

Thought I would share a few ads from this mornings paper. These are found under the "Matrimonials Wanted Groups by Religion section".

For those folks believing that the Caste system is dead in India, think again. It seems to be alive in well across all the religious groups--Hindu, Muslim, Christian, and Sikhs.

This ad is my favorite. This highly educated female, schooled at some of the best schools in the world is put up on the block in the Sunday paper:

" well established high status Bisa Aggarwl business family settled in Singapore/Delhi seek alliance from an equally high status family from India or abroad for their beautiful/educated/well cultured daughter, graduated Wharton Pennsylvania University, presently pursuing MBA from Oxford University. Born 1980 / height 5 6'

Thoughts on this...in all of my ignorance, I always assumed that matches were made based on known qualities, friends, friends of friends, etc. Perhaps these methods don't work as well as they used to in today's hectic world so facilities like ads in the paper are required. Perhaps being global, as many of these ads indicate, is another hurdle to matchmaking.

Whatever the reason, these ads make the arranged marriage process seem calculated. These women, hundreds of them in today's paper, are offered up for the taking based on their caste, looks, size, and education in some cases. Women are described as "amiable wheatish" in one christian ad, presumably this is a nice way of saying obedient. To end my rant, I am also quite taken by the ads the request a match in the US for a daughter already located there....

Power...

2005-10-22T14:34:00.000-04:00

No fear folks....

If you find yourself in the elevator and the power goes out...well...just wait a bit. This sign would have cooled my nerves a bit when I was caught in a Delhi elevator last year. The power today has been erratic--to say it politely. Since 6am it has gone out about 5 times. And yes, it has been restored in about 7 seconds. Interestingly enough, they put a higher preference on the AC than the lights...so the AC is cranking and you are sitting in the dark.

So with all of these power issues you would think huh, they most attempt to conserve...NO. Check out the light show on the BANK next to my hotel.

Very similar to a Las Vegas scene...or perhaps something you would see in Miami to advertise a restaurant. Whats confusing about this? Again, its a bank, not sure why the building needs to be so exciting and why a bank would want to draw so much attention to itself.

My hotel room...

2005-10-22T14:14:00.000-04:00

My hotel room is 290 a night here in Bangalore. That is US dollars. To place this price in perspective, the average Indian makes 400 US dollars a YEAR. I am staying at a new hotel, the Taj Residency, because the hotel I stayed at last year has increased their prices to 390 a night. Keep in mind, that hotel is just around the corner from this one....

What will 290 a night by you in Bangalore? The first surprise is the additional of an Aeron Chair. For those of you unfamiliar with the areon, its a fancy office chair that costs almost 2000 usd. So that would be like going to someone's home and seeing a 400,000 chair in their living room. This chair would support an Indian family for five years......YEARS...

Did I mention the TV? Yeah flatscreen...because I need to see Indian TV in widescreen mode(yes that is people dancing on the screen...lots of singing and dancing on Indian TV combined with really depressing news). Again, probably 3000...so here a family could live on this product for a little over 6 years. So you can see why I am spending SO much time watching it.

India again...

2005-10-22T13:53:00.000-04:00

I have been studying...and neglecting my blogging duties. Or so I thought. Now I realize that blogging is a therapy mechanism I employ while in "Incredible India".

The trip over was rough--turbulence for the first 9 hours and then more during most of the next 8. We crossed our fingers that luggage systems would bless us with luggage on the flip side, last year we were not so lucky.

All worked out well and we departed from the airport with the essential NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, No, no. And so it goes. Everyone wanted to give us a ride or wanted money. All you hope for is the big sign that says MR or MS whoever...and whoever is YOU.

We find our driver and are led to the car. And well of course. We are parked with cars all around us and a large orange tarped pile of something in front of us. Thankfully, we did not arrive any earlier, as the locals had just "got on the problem" calling for the services of a HUGE tractor--like a farm tractor that is so prevelant here--to come and take away the big pile.

And we are off...to our hotel.

Stolen Americano

2005-08-17T10:24:00.000-04:00

tragedy at Starbucks this morning...someone stole my Americano. I could of course, care less as they just made me another one...but the pour sole who probably ordered a grande skim white mocha latte with a dash of carmel is likely driving to work in disgust. Ha!

Time at Strabucks creeps me out...but I was forced this morning to take an appraisal of the place. I read the cups they were handing out. "Today our schools are just as segregated as they were in 1969, the year after Dr. King dies. Race is the biggest challenge we face, and we have proven unequal to facing it" Nice thought...but I thought the whole campaign about these "the way I see it phrases was suppose to provide a forum for average americans to enlighten average americans. For some reason, the board chairman of the NAACP doesn't seem to fit into this category. Question: are they handing out cups with these phrases in the deep south?