Getting Poked...

Deep Breath...

That is what the "Dr" asks me to do...take a deep breath right before he aims and fires a random assortment of needles into my flesh. Acupuncture. I am getting it 3 times a week....

I was telling a friend about this yesterday and I could hear her squirming on the other end of the phone "please, STOP you are making me sick thinking of someone poking needles into me.."

Aupuncture is something I immediately considered when I ran into my most recent health challenge. Why? because I have many friends who have had remarkable successes with needle medicine.

I have researched it...and determined that no one really knows much about this ancient art, actually no one can agree how long ago it was invented...try it yourself, type in acupuncture. What pops is an assortment of information about the history of acupuncture and its successes or limited success and of course varying history babbles with 2000-4000 years about being the origin date.

acupuncture is much different than I expected. It doesn't "hurt" most of the time. Instead I feel a dull push when he pokes me and sometimes I twist. I immediately fall asleep after I have a few needles plugged in. Deep sleep where I start dreaming and usually have a twitch here and there that wakes me up. What do I dream of? Its strange to admit it, but food. Not eating the food but cooking it. I dreamed of finding a beautiful artichoke and making a grilled cheese sandwich and serving up a beautiful tuna steak.

Today, Dr. Su said "Thinking to much, listen more. Stop Thinking" when I complained profusely about the pain accompanying his poke between my eyes and at the top of my skull. What does this mean...Thinking to much...Listen more? What if I am thinking about what I heard?

Maybe all of this rushes back to the idea of living in the present and feeling the love. Dr. Sue claims people have muscle memory. He says--how are you? Irritated!!! I proclaim. Okay, why? And then I think of all of the things I am irritated about, which are completely ridiculous and unjustified and, and, and....I say I don't know and realize that life is pretty great and that I need to well..... Think less...listen more..

Holding my breath....

Finally back to the real world...one that exists beyond this window that held me softly for a full 10 days of sheer bliss.

Although I learned so much while I was away immersing myself in Ashtanga yoga for 10 days, the one thing that I continue to come back to is breath.

Ashtanga teaches you to watch your breath, to move it, to move with it, to use it, to manipulate it...you get the picture.

BUT, there is just one problem........I hold mine.

Upon reflecting, I have been holding for quite some time. I catch myself not breathing in certain situations, like gaming the blood pressure machine...or trying to be quite so I can hear something...



But these are conscious times, times when I actively decide to do something and by body said, "hey, hold your breath, that will help!

It seems that my breath holding is not limited to these activities... Now that I am home, I catch myself doing it all the time. Driving, sleeping, typing, listening to something I don't like at meetings, reacting to something a person is sharing....thinking..

And so I am working on breathing. NOT just when I roll out my mat, but all day long.

Breathing when I hear something repulsive, something that makes me squirm, angry, irritated. Breathing when I hear that I am loved, adored, smart, admired.
And Breathing at all times inbetween.

I realize that breathing in and out all day long pulls you just a bit closer to the reality of your existence. You breath in the bad and learn to bear it. You breath in the love instead of trying to hold it. You breath in life...and hope that it continues to give you fresh air.

Are you holding your breath? Start thinking about it.....One of my favorite people recently told me that she totally understood this concept...that she feels like launching a big exhale as soon as she leaves our town and returns to a place that used to be home. A big exhale....we didn't talk about the inhale but I imagine that she would agree that it feels great.

Technology "News"?

I have become fascinated lately with the ongoing "news" headlines regarding the newly critizied love triangle between the internet, china, and big tech firms.

Lets start with the tech firms. Here is a recent story: Yahoo implicated in Chinese dissident's jailing

The author appears to be conveying a sense of "shock" here...that we should be surprised that Yahoo turned over information that was requested by the Chinese government. So what we have here is a business, that was sent a formal request for information, to which they replied. Unfortunately, the result of this action shed light on the identify of an individual that has been acting in a "criminal manner" in his resident country.

Why is Yahoo's behavior, the actual action taken by the company any different than what happened here? Spammer Jailed for Stock Scam Its not, yah? The only difference is the reporter chose not to include the details of how Yahoo searched through its logs to determine who this particular criminal was when asked by law enforcement for its records.

I am fascinated with this lens being used by Western media groups. Why not get it out there straight, instead of running round the post, quite literally, making puny accusations about culpability, when really these companies are only doing what they are legally obligated to perform. They would be terrorized by the same groups if they read through the individuals blog postings, in this case, and decided not to hand over the records. How can we ask Yahoo to act in a "God" like fashion? Is this right?

Can we say that U.S. companies should not operate in any country that has policies that do not mirror our own? Why am I not hearing this chant in any other business sector? Like for example, clothing? computers? watches? plastic? steel? Where are the groups that are organizing protests against buying goods made in China?

I am the first one to abhor China and its repressive laws. But, from a philosophical perspective the way to approach this issue is by pressing the delete button on feelings surrounding China's policies and focus only on these tech company accusations. What prejudices are interfering with our inability to juxtapose China profiting gained by making products for the Western world and the rest of the world making money from China's newly employed citizens? We want cheap products from China because we are unwilling to pay for the cost of American labor to make the same items. But, its not okay for American companies to make money off of China's citizens? Why is this "incredule?"

To Many Choices...

I have become an audiophile...Why? I was inspired to after realizing I could read more books this way...maximizing my time by listening at the gym and in the car.

Ironcially the first book I selected is about creating a career path by looking deep into your wants, desire, dreams, and goals. In other words, making the "right" choices. I have begun to wonder how someone who can not seem to stick with a book choice, and therfore becomes an audiophile so she can consume 2, 3, 4 books at once can become qualified to make choices about career steps.

In the "Anti-Career Guide" Rick Jarow stuck me with his discussions about work and the definition of the word in American Christian orgins. He claims, and I totally agree, that Christian values that founded this country belive that if you work, you will be saved...and the harder you work, the better chance. What a remarkable idea...work can actually be fun.

I know a few people that have this experience...and I am sure you do as well. They are the envy of the world...those who choose something they would do after 9-5 if they couldn't do it during the work-day.

The author's point is valid--you should figure out what you love and do it. Then work will become life as life is not work.

With these boundaries established, I still find myself in a quandry for two reasons. First, what do I love to do? Talk to people. Help them. Teach them. Teach myself. Be a mentor. See the big picture. Learn about other cultures. Make a difference. Make the internet easy and safe to use.

How do these answers equate to a job selection? Wow, they end up giving me back lots and lots of choices. Location choices, position choices, field choices. Enless choices. This is similar to the experience I had a whole foods yesterday, when I wanted a green tea to accompany my lunch...and realized they had several different kinds of unsweetened green tea. (why??)

Which leads me to the next book I am reading...The World is Flat. Here I am learning that my choices are unlimited. Although, I already kind of knew that. And that the world is changing at lightening speed in the world of work...making it critical to open our minds to new options...to try out new ideas...to build ideas into products.

Where to from here? Again, choices. I will keep you posted on the coming selections...changes...choices..