Back in Chicago...

Its funny how the world moves.....I checked into my hotel this afternoon in Chicago. Here on business for a few days...But what is this block--this place?

Its the place where my old boyfriend's father took me to lunch a lifetime ago. I walked out of my hotel and just stared. At the parking structure. And flashed back to that nervous day of eating sushi for the first time and having NO IDEA how to use chopsticks. And feeling totally inadequate and embarrassed and really got the whole feeling of "wow your son is way better than me"

And so 10 years past. I moved to DC and moved on. And then the Chicago boy and I crossed paths about 3 years ago. It was amazing to catch up with him this love of my life or so it seemed that way in the last year of my college days. So we talked. And we emailed. And he told me all about how his family had really loved me back then. And they still asked about me. And if he knew then what he knows now how he would have kept track of me...and trying to make it work. So my sorority sisters were right. He did really love me. Much more than I imagined.

And then we met. Live. In Vegas. Neutral location right? This was my first trip to Vegas (and unfortunately is not my last.) So much going on all around me I found it hard to avoid focusing directly on the person I was there with--intensely. Almost as an escape from the environment. And what did I see? And unsophisticated man. Someone who had become obsessed with money and liked to spend a lot of time trying to impress me with it. Which of course was funny---I living in the land of tech millionaires was so accustom to lavish things buying the things that he considered extravagant...was common place.

And so I went home. And was overwhelmed with how my early adult life had collided -- crashed and burned--with my 30 year old life. How things that seemed to significant at the time were not at all what they seemed. Instead they were the direct result of my low self confidence and a serious inability to see my value.

I ask myself have times changed? Am I still in that place? Or do I see my value clearly now. Do I consider that the person that likes me may not be who I need after all? or do I give out to many chances to impress me with your wit. Do I consider how dating someone that lives 600 miles away might be a difficult option? Is it the right option for me who wants to have someone to share my life with? Or have I accepted the fact that this person is going to be so incredibly difficult to find that this distance is irrelevant?

I am happy. This decade brings questions . I am questioning other people's value inside my life. And trying to determine where my precious time should be spent. And not worrying to much about their needs...focusing more intensely on mine.

I am off to meet with TC for dinner with these thoughts carefully tucked away in my confident mind.

TC Where are you?

"I think we have used up all of our travel karma" my text message reads.

TC spent 7 hours at the airport yesterday trying to get on earlier flights, running from terminal to terminal and then finally got on the 8:45 which sat on the runway for 45 minutes...I was looking at the flight status page on United and was horrified.

I have used up all of my travel God Karma. But thats ok. I will trade travel karma for TC.

So finally he arrives....and then proceeds to get in a cab that drops him off at the wrong location literally 3 blocks (separated by a park) away. Did I mention that he has a broken toe?

But at 1am in the morning all was well....it was sort of like spending time with someone I have known for 10 years. All of the emails exchanged over the past two weeks offered us a chance to dive deep and wide into our lives. So...two bottles of Zinfindel later and at 530am we ended the first date. Can't wait to see him again this evening...he is much more fantastic than I imagined.

Asile 6

And so I have been traveling. To all of the places you never wanted to go in the same week. Smushing NC into MO across one day and trying to remember what time zone I am in and what rental car is mine because I am confused after three days three cities. And all of this hazy thinking is the result of one brilliant afternoon on 9/11 last week. That was the day that I decided to go to the airport early....and ended up meeting a spectacular man seated next to me. Ok so He was no really supposed to be sitting in the middle seat but he did all the way to Chicago...

Laughter. Lots of laughter and tears from laughter. When is the last time I have laughed like this without fear or thinking about what to say next. Only savoring this moment that was so not supposed to happen for either of us. So not supposed to be on the 2:40pm to ORD. So supposed to be on a 4:20 and a 5 something. I noticed after a while that people around us were just looking over and smirking and just not sure what to make of the whole thing going down in aisle 6. And I remembered that my laugh is loud and joyful and felt all warm and happy inside.

And so we had a drink...before I departed to NC. (you might be asking yourself why did you fly to Chicago to then fly to NC and I would invite you to join us road warriors in our search for answers to these questions) When is the last time you found yourself wishing your layover was longer? Or wishing your flight was canceled?

I think the folks in NC truly believe that the smile on my face the next day was all about them....

3 days and counting and TC will be returning to DC for his bi-monthly visit. All of these emails and txt messages will have to be converted into live conversation and real laughter instead of smiles and goofy :---). How will that be? How do you convert bits to real life? How to you move from having open conversations over email to having to look the person in the eye and say what you want to say.

This is interesting and concerning and exciting all at the same time. When you think about how much communication is about verbal signs you wonder how verbal signs will change what you say...the guise of email is earth shattering to the dating scene and has flipped it on its head. I am a writer by nature. Words flow off my finger tips and I don't know if my brain is a quick in real life. All of these challenges will be faced down on Sunday afternoon. And on Monday and on Tuesday...until we are back to bits again.

Some interesting questions/observations about logan circle...

A few interesting observations about my new neighborhood:

1.) Cute guys around the circle are usually not my "type" or really should I say I am not their type.
2.) where do the dead birds come from? I have found 3 dead birds so far this summer and its a bit sketchy.
3.) there are a few republicans in my building who don't know a thing about sunscreen. tanned and tanned again like hides these people are.
4.) where do dead rats come from and then who picks them up?
5.) sometimes men in my neighborhood walk around only with a cowboy hat on and some very interesting shorts...and work boots...and I try not to think about what they are up to...
6.) Whole foods seems to be a grocery store disguised as a pick up joint
7.) Cat calls in the city are much more formal than in other places. Calls like "Hello Lady you are HOT" instead of just whistles and other noises.
8.) Who gives all the bums chicken wings at night? There are piles of chicken bones every morning out in logan circle. Not clear on where they come from....
9.) there are TWO count them TWO places that serve gluten free beer right near by....
10.) Why is it that every time I am heading to the airport, I end up in a cab with three other people because the driver keeps pulling over and screaming hey "where are you going"? An affirmative answer of airport results in a "jump in" response.