Learned Help-less-ness

New term for those unfamiliar....I was until I was enlightened by a brilliant man named Mudge this week. Mudge is a computer geek--so he was using this term to describe our inability to take care of ourselves, our networks really, when we learn of vulnerabilities and think our only solution is to wait for a patch....from the vendor.

Lets skip the whys and whats of this whole discussion cause I am computer-ed out for the week. But I would love to share my thoughts on using this term generally in life. I have thought about this over and over and over again during my last few days in CA and through the experiences of negotiating the trip back. There are many amongst us that are operating in this fashion. The ticket counter at UNITED--prime example. One of the auto-check-in counters is out of paper...and therefore is unable to print out a ticket. What do people do??? They wait and wait and wait and wait for someone to come by and then ask them what should I do? Instead of just taking ACTION and trying a different terminal.

We are so fearful. Fearful of messing something up. This is a great example of fear. I thought to myself WHAT could possibility be the Worst Case Scenario (WCS) here? Are people afraid that they have checked in once...so if they try to us a different computer they will not be able to take the flight? Does this make ANY SENSE?

And here we are: learned help-less-ness. We would RATHER sit on our laurels and wait for someone to help us. Perhaps we decide what our required level of effort should be and then make judgments from here. Should we only be required to spend 2 minutes of thinking time when we attempt to check-in? And so when that time elapses, and things go a-rye...well we freak out and wait for someone to come and cuddle us like a baby.

WE expect people to help us, to do things for us, and to be taken care of. This is the same mentality that gets us into trouble when crime happens around us. "Oh yeah officer, I saw them practicing crazy car maneuvers in front of my house for the past few months, but I didn't report it...I just figured they were having fun."

Yeah! When they robbed the bank around the corner! Or blew up a building!

This is NOT to say I am immune to this behavior...actually I spent a good deal of time thinking about it on my way home and resolving to become my own "personal helper" who works JUST FOR ME!! on my problems as I wander through the next few months. I will keep you posted on awareness of learned help-less-ness and my strategy of implementing a personal helper.

Feel the love...

And put your head down...rest slowly into Child's Pose...and feel the love coming up through the earth surrounding you with healing warmth....

How I wanted to feel the love my Yoga instructor was calling forth yesterday. My favorite pose, the Child's Pose...where you feel so swallowed up by the world was not cutting through the black cloud that has been hovering overhead for the past few weeks. Today is the first day I feel "righted" but still different. The doctors located a lump in my breast a few weeks ago, which they assure me is "not cancerous." This has proven to be another turning point in my life. When I was still unsure what they would say, I came home and thought to myself--if I have cancer what will I wish I did that I have not yet done? What will I look at and say WHY didn't you do that dummy? You wanted to!

These words have been ringing in my head for weeks. Am I happy in my path? Do I like where I live? How does my kitchen feel? Do I need a new pair of jeans? (incidentally the answer here is yes...)

Armed with a few answers I am on the road to a revamp. Three long years of waiting for a chance to look inward has arrived. My ears are open to those around me..Listening to them I mean. I believe people slowly tell you your story as you wander through life and if you pay enough attention...they will tell you when you are falling off track..or right on...or possibly alert you that your track needs a new direction.

This morning a wise man at the coffee shop mentioned that he was "surprised it has taken me such a short time to start thinking of other life pursuits."

I am listening...

MY new tall girl jeans...

After I passed by 5 9 all hell broke loose in terms of finding pants not intended for a flood. I remember the first time I had a pair of jeans that were long enough...they were boys 501 Levis, with a 34 inseam. Heaven.

This problem obviously has not gone away...but after working on a closet clean out for several weekends in a row, I see how desperately I need new clothes.

I now have time to shop and FIND new pants that are long enough (I have been wearing flat shoes way to often over the past two years of graduate school). I went shopping last weekend, Filenes Basement. Tried on 37 (NO, I am not exaggerating) and found one pair that was long enough. Ran to the cash register and purchased them. Next day, headed out to the local outlet stores, specifically targeting Benneton and Saxs. Tried on 10 pairs, no luck.
Math
GAS: probably about 30 miles of driving
TIME: Two weekend days.
Result: One pair of pants

Results of this equation spell out the obvious: I will pay for pants that fit.

Its funny how life just works out. A few days later, I was out to dinner with P and we walked by a lucky jeans store. Went in on a WHIM and wow--they have LONG and EXTRA LONG!!!! WHOOO!!! It was a major jackpot. I almost started crying when I tried some on and they totally fit! AMAZING!

Smoke Free for 10 Days...and continuing to count

I love the FRENCH! Look at this great diagram about all of the BAD things inside cigarettes. Even if you don't know any French you can latch on to the SKULLS!!!

I am going to print this out and put it somewhere...

New Years Resolution? people keep asking...no I resolved to quit smoking after graduate school when I could give myself a chance for success.

Its always funny to quit because I tell people (you know for accountability) and inevitably they respond with --YOU SMOKE? I had no idea. WOW you totally don't fit that profile...you are so healthy, like the healthiest person I know.

These folks are right-I am so damn healthy its insane. Gluten allergy keeps me from eating most American foods that come in a box, or bag for that matter. I have to constantly monitor what I am eating to make sure I am getting way more iron than I need...poor absorption. All of this has been made much easier with myfooddiary.com. LOVE THIS SITE. You can track everything you are eating, including all of the recipes you make which you enter manually ingredient by ingredient and save in your "Frig", and at the end of the day you get a geeky chart telling you all about what you ate....today I got up to 32g of FIBER and 7 g of IRON. WHooo!

ANYWAY, back to the smoking quitting project. Things I am doing:

1.) YOGA--starting a practice at a local studio and going to my gym twice a week.
2.) PILATES-Continuing my practice with the awesome teacher at my gym. Starting private sessions.
3.) CARDIO--Trying to hit the gym twice a week, 30 minute pops to get some cardio in.
4.) MEDITATION--Started meditating a few months ago...its not easy but I am trying to expand my practice.
5.) Stop-IT! Smoking tablets--I bought the whole STOP IT! Smoking system at Whole Foods (LOVE IT!). While these are chalk full of herbs that are suppose to help decrease cravings...they are also prescribed on a tricky regimen that I believe helps more than anything. Its like a small ongoing project all day to remember oh, I just ate a lozenge so I can not eat anything for 10 minutes..or I need to suck on this lozenge, not bite it.

10 days and I continue to count down. I read recently that it takes at least 21 days to incorporate new habits into your lifestyle...I will keep you posted.