Holding my breath....

Finally back to the real world...one that exists beyond this window that held me softly for a full 10 days of sheer bliss.

Although I learned so much while I was away immersing myself in Ashtanga yoga for 10 days, the one thing that I continue to come back to is breath.

Ashtanga teaches you to watch your breath, to move it, to move with it, to use it, to manipulate it...you get the picture.

BUT, there is just one problem........I hold mine.

Upon reflecting, I have been holding for quite some time. I catch myself not breathing in certain situations, like gaming the blood pressure machine...or trying to be quite so I can hear something...



But these are conscious times, times when I actively decide to do something and by body said, "hey, hold your breath, that will help!

It seems that my breath holding is not limited to these activities... Now that I am home, I catch myself doing it all the time. Driving, sleeping, typing, listening to something I don't like at meetings, reacting to something a person is sharing....thinking..

And so I am working on breathing. NOT just when I roll out my mat, but all day long.

Breathing when I hear something repulsive, something that makes me squirm, angry, irritated. Breathing when I hear that I am loved, adored, smart, admired.
And Breathing at all times inbetween.

I realize that breathing in and out all day long pulls you just a bit closer to the reality of your existence. You breath in the bad and learn to bear it. You breath in the love instead of trying to hold it. You breath in life...and hope that it continues to give you fresh air.

Are you holding your breath? Start thinking about it.....One of my favorite people recently told me that she totally understood this concept...that she feels like launching a big exhale as soon as she leaves our town and returns to a place that used to be home. A big exhale....we didn't talk about the inhale but I imagine that she would agree that it feels great.

Technology "News"?

I have become fascinated lately with the ongoing "news" headlines regarding the newly critizied love triangle between the internet, china, and big tech firms.

Lets start with the tech firms. Here is a recent story: Yahoo implicated in Chinese dissident's jailing

The author appears to be conveying a sense of "shock" here...that we should be surprised that Yahoo turned over information that was requested by the Chinese government. So what we have here is a business, that was sent a formal request for information, to which they replied. Unfortunately, the result of this action shed light on the identify of an individual that has been acting in a "criminal manner" in his resident country.

Why is Yahoo's behavior, the actual action taken by the company any different than what happened here? Spammer Jailed for Stock Scam Its not, yah? The only difference is the reporter chose not to include the details of how Yahoo searched through its logs to determine who this particular criminal was when asked by law enforcement for its records.

I am fascinated with this lens being used by Western media groups. Why not get it out there straight, instead of running round the post, quite literally, making puny accusations about culpability, when really these companies are only doing what they are legally obligated to perform. They would be terrorized by the same groups if they read through the individuals blog postings, in this case, and decided not to hand over the records. How can we ask Yahoo to act in a "God" like fashion? Is this right?

Can we say that U.S. companies should not operate in any country that has policies that do not mirror our own? Why am I not hearing this chant in any other business sector? Like for example, clothing? computers? watches? plastic? steel? Where are the groups that are organizing protests against buying goods made in China?

I am the first one to abhor China and its repressive laws. But, from a philosophical perspective the way to approach this issue is by pressing the delete button on feelings surrounding China's policies and focus only on these tech company accusations. What prejudices are interfering with our inability to juxtapose China profiting gained by making products for the Western world and the rest of the world making money from China's newly employed citizens? We want cheap products from China because we are unwilling to pay for the cost of American labor to make the same items. But, its not okay for American companies to make money off of China's citizens? Why is this "incredule?"

To Many Choices...

I have become an audiophile...Why? I was inspired to after realizing I could read more books this way...maximizing my time by listening at the gym and in the car.

Ironcially the first book I selected is about creating a career path by looking deep into your wants, desire, dreams, and goals. In other words, making the "right" choices. I have begun to wonder how someone who can not seem to stick with a book choice, and therfore becomes an audiophile so she can consume 2, 3, 4 books at once can become qualified to make choices about career steps.

In the "Anti-Career Guide" Rick Jarow stuck me with his discussions about work and the definition of the word in American Christian orgins. He claims, and I totally agree, that Christian values that founded this country belive that if you work, you will be saved...and the harder you work, the better chance. What a remarkable idea...work can actually be fun.

I know a few people that have this experience...and I am sure you do as well. They are the envy of the world...those who choose something they would do after 9-5 if they couldn't do it during the work-day.

The author's point is valid--you should figure out what you love and do it. Then work will become life as life is not work.

With these boundaries established, I still find myself in a quandry for two reasons. First, what do I love to do? Talk to people. Help them. Teach them. Teach myself. Be a mentor. See the big picture. Learn about other cultures. Make a difference. Make the internet easy and safe to use.

How do these answers equate to a job selection? Wow, they end up giving me back lots and lots of choices. Location choices, position choices, field choices. Enless choices. This is similar to the experience I had a whole foods yesterday, when I wanted a green tea to accompany my lunch...and realized they had several different kinds of unsweetened green tea. (why??)

Which leads me to the next book I am reading...The World is Flat. Here I am learning that my choices are unlimited. Although, I already kind of knew that. And that the world is changing at lightening speed in the world of work...making it critical to open our minds to new options...to try out new ideas...to build ideas into products.

Where to from here? Again, choices. I will keep you posted on the coming selections...changes...choices..

Learned Help-less-ness

New term for those unfamiliar....I was until I was enlightened by a brilliant man named Mudge this week. Mudge is a computer geek--so he was using this term to describe our inability to take care of ourselves, our networks really, when we learn of vulnerabilities and think our only solution is to wait for a patch....from the vendor.

Lets skip the whys and whats of this whole discussion cause I am computer-ed out for the week. But I would love to share my thoughts on using this term generally in life. I have thought about this over and over and over again during my last few days in CA and through the experiences of negotiating the trip back. There are many amongst us that are operating in this fashion. The ticket counter at UNITED--prime example. One of the auto-check-in counters is out of paper...and therefore is unable to print out a ticket. What do people do??? They wait and wait and wait and wait for someone to come by and then ask them what should I do? Instead of just taking ACTION and trying a different terminal.

We are so fearful. Fearful of messing something up. This is a great example of fear. I thought to myself WHAT could possibility be the Worst Case Scenario (WCS) here? Are people afraid that they have checked in once...so if they try to us a different computer they will not be able to take the flight? Does this make ANY SENSE?

And here we are: learned help-less-ness. We would RATHER sit on our laurels and wait for someone to help us. Perhaps we decide what our required level of effort should be and then make judgments from here. Should we only be required to spend 2 minutes of thinking time when we attempt to check-in? And so when that time elapses, and things go a-rye...well we freak out and wait for someone to come and cuddle us like a baby.

WE expect people to help us, to do things for us, and to be taken care of. This is the same mentality that gets us into trouble when crime happens around us. "Oh yeah officer, I saw them practicing crazy car maneuvers in front of my house for the past few months, but I didn't report it...I just figured they were having fun."

Yeah! When they robbed the bank around the corner! Or blew up a building!

This is NOT to say I am immune to this behavior...actually I spent a good deal of time thinking about it on my way home and resolving to become my own "personal helper" who works JUST FOR ME!! on my problems as I wander through the next few months. I will keep you posted on awareness of learned help-less-ness and my strategy of implementing a personal helper.