Day 20: Sick in NYC? Call Dr House

And so I got sick. Are you at ALL surprised by this? I move two weeks early, start a new job, and completely change my life and I expect to be just FINE. Yeah no. No. No. No.

My dear friend from San Fran arrived last Friday with a small cold in her pocket. We had the most FAB weekend. Going all kinds of fun places like the Café Carlyle, which is truly a NYC legend hosting the likes of Bobby Short, and the home of Jackie O for many years as well as the Village Vanguard. The music was lush --- as was the vibe. How I love music life in this city. And the appreciation for it...the silence that happens as the lights go down and people are actually LISTENING.

So. My dear friend departed and left her small cold which quickly turned into a large cold complete with laryngitis and full on headaches and other pains for over a week. So it was time, time for me to GO GET A Z-pack. For those of you who are not friend to the Z-pack, I suggest you acquaint yourself with it the next time you have a sickness......it zaps out these horrible bugs in about 2 days.

But wait--thats right I have NO DR. Whoops......so I turn to goggling around and looking for "urgent care" This is of course after I call my health care insurance and they say "the nearest urgent care facility is in NJ" --- like 25 miles away. So I find this guy: Dr. Bolte

I know kind readers that you expect me to do my due diligence when I am going to do something random like this--me the expert googler who found the deed to the house my last boyfriend bought with his ex-wife before I even knew he was married....this was of course AFTER I found the picture featuring him in National Geographic speaking about his son. Oh yeah, thats right I do have children......And that is another story for another time.

In any event, I was sick. And I wanted the Z-pack. So I left my house and headed to see one Dr. Bolte on the East side. Called. Made an appointment at 11am DONE. Charge me 135.00 and I will love you forever just give me the damn z-pack. Perhaps this is my problem--I see drs as a means to an end. I truly do not see them as having "value" to tell me things I don't already know. Just give me the z-pack and I will be all good.

My first indication that things were a little "different" was the doorman. It appeared that I was actually in someone's apartment building. Hmmmm... But this HUGE doorman, probably the biggest one I have seen since I have been in NYC, said oh yeah, 8-H sure, go right up the Dr is in.

Hmmmmm.....

So I enter the apartment which to Dr. Bolte's credit is actually sort of set up like a Dr's office. And he was there with another patient in another room, but came out and greeted me and handed me one of those dr forms. Which I barely filled out bc I was like HEY--I am paying for this...you SO don't need my social security number. ANYWAY.

He calls me back into his office and starts talking. Asking me what my DEAL is.....aka why the hell don't you have a real dr if you have health insurance. BUT, really, he is actually a real dr who does not feel like dealing with the insurance companies and I get it. He then also tells me that BTW he is a medial detective and you know that show House? Well that is really based on his work.

AND once again, my lack of knowledge on pop culture which results in my failure to have any time to watch TV because really folks, I am OUT enjoying life, comes and hits me smack on the head. I have no clue what he is talking about.

Then he listens to my chest and says--wow. Doesn't sound good. And wow--looks like you could have Strep. Probably time for some antibiotic (fingers crossed on the other side of the table at this point "z-pack, z-pack, z-pack) and then he says -- I will write you a script for a Z-pack.

Thank YOU.

But then things get a little weird. Because he proceeds to tell me again about the "House" reference and then he says "well, I am going to be on America's Most Wanted next week." And I am being featured on the news tomorrow with my dog.

People, I know what America's Most Wanted is......quite frankly I spent way too much time while in Graduate school studying forensic science thinking about episodes of America's Most Wanted. So now I am thinking --- here is when I DIE. Here is the part when it all seemed FINE and then I got killed going to a random Urgent Care Dr.

So I ask....cause what the HELL else do you do in this situation????? Why will you be on America's Most Wanted?

And then he tells me: his ex-wife killed her new husband. Point blank with a new gun she bought and was learning how to shoot while he was off flying airplanes for SouthWest Air. Practiced. Asked the guy at the shooting range what bullets work best if you are going to kill someone, and he advised, "hollow" so that is what she ran down to KMart and purchased...and then used on the husband when he came home. And then? Yeah she took off in his BMW to the airport. Left the car there and took off to Brazil.

And so he is still holding the Z-pack prescription. And that is REALLY what I want and I was thinking wow--this is how people get into bad situations...they think well that prescription is very important so I MUST stay here and listen to this story so I can get that...never mind the DANGER.

And so I say --wow, really sorry to hear that. Really sorry. And then it starts....he tells me all about her horrible abusive background and how this was always a problem in their marriage and how well, he managed ok at first but it just couldn't work out. And that really, he thinks the thing that triggered the whole episode was the fact that the new husband locked the guns before he left thinking she might harm herself......

And then he says well, this is really one of my interests---back to the medical investigations---he says this is what Discover Magazine wrote about when they wrote an article on me.

Well “Thanks so Much” I said. “Thanks again for the script and I really have to go”. Although I am not sure why I am thanking…since I am paying…

"I just want to let you know, before you go, if you ever need help, please call me"......

"Ok. I will keep that in mind"

"Because I have saved three of my patients. Three of them! These women come here from places like Idaho and they have no idea what trouble they can get into, so they call me in the middle of the night from a bad neighborhood and have no idea what to do...they end up at some club and all of their friends leave...next thing you know they are in big trouble"

Well, Thanks. I don’t know that I will need a rescue service but thanks.

NYC. Never know what you will find. Or why. Or How.