Day 26: "I want to get married"

It was time. Time to finally meet up with the race car driver in NYC. He has been a source of strength to me over the last few months. Amazingly has turned out to be the one person in my life that actually seems to understand what I was facing down in DC as a singleton and what I could gain should I choose to make the leap to NYC. He became a sounding board. One who said to me "you will love it here. your personality will fit in like you can not even imagine. you will thrive here. DC is a dead end for your career. you must come, you will not regret it."

And so I came. Hung out for 25 days and arranged a meeting with my ex boyfriend over dinner.

We went to Sapa in the West Village for some dinner.....

I am doing unusual things these days. While I was waiting I decided to order a lychee bellini because well, quite frankly I was just in the mood for a fruity drink....and it was wow. yum.

So he arrives, in typical race car driver fashion, full of serious looks and big smiles. Yes it is possible to have both of these things in one face. And this is one of the few people that I know personally that can pull it off. And so we sit. And we chat about life, being in NYC and where we are......and he announces with all the glee that someone like the race car driver can and says:

Brandi, I am ready to get married.

And then I laugh. And laugh. And LAUGH.

Whats so funny?

YOU--YOU-----want to get married???? What on earth for?

Well. I turned 40 and I decided..... (I am hearing drumroll are you?) that its time to "tee it up"

Oh how I love men. Time to tee it up? Tee it up? You have broken the hearts of how many women and today is the day that you let me know that you are "ready to get married?"

The race car driver was a particular lust of mine. He was quite literally just what the dr ordered at a time when I was in the daily dullllldrums of post divorce and maddening boredom. He was the first person I met that was actually FUN. He pushed me in ways I would not have imagined at the time I man could. Invited me into his world of aggressive behavior and challenges and I ate it up. Champagne poured, we raced cars on the weekends and soaked up the sun on the weekends.

And then he decided it was more important to pay bills instead of celebrating my birthday. And that was the first and the last straw. All in one moment I cut the cord. We went to dinner the next night and I told him---its over.

To which he responded with a power point like chart he created on a napkin. He said "this always happens to me. Women want more and I can't give it. My feelings for you are flat lining (he drew this on an x / y axis for me just in case I didn't follow along) and all the while, your feelings for me are growing (also illustrated on the napkin).

To which I responded---no. don't think you are hearing me exactly. I am saying that we should be done. It was great knowing you. I am sure we will still be friends, but its time for us to stop being together and move one.

And then he went back to the chart and re-explained what I wrote above.

And then I said my piece again.

And this went on for about 5 minutes and finally I said "this relationship is like a piece of lint on the quilt of my life"

And he said "lint?"

And so dinner with the piece of lint was interesting. I believe that he still cares about me but in a way that feels like a really strong friendship. And it feels good. Its strange to be at this point in my life, where I can look at people and realize with utmost clarity that I need them to be part of the picture but not in a romantic way. That I need people to love me as a friend, not a lover to make my life more complete.

Plus, who can turn down an after dinner drink in a beautiful loft in Union Square with some gelato to boot? Perhaps last night I learned that I need to be aware that people change, for the better. They grow up and get clarity on things.