Expatriate? Not with this group...

Fantastically funny interview this past week with a company who really needed a full set of clues on how to send someone to India. I went in knowing that the position was of high interest, but with the mind that I was not willing to move unless the package was adequate. Wow. Was I overwhelmed with their arrogance and underwhelmed with their intelligence. Fascinating.

The interview began on the wrong note when the VP explained that "He REALLY needed an American to head over the and get some more work out of these people." Perfect. Like we are running a slave shop. I asked him about his progress, problems and offered my typical bag of India based cultural solutions. He didn't really seem interested in hearing what I had to say, just that he was looking for a salesperson who could get it done. I then offered my 2 cents on how this role should be projected to the outsourcer (in a way that conveys authority and independence). Which was obviously ignored....as when I asked about the package he informed me that:

1.) they would be providing me with funds for traveling to the different locations inside India (like yeah? um, who would not being doing that?) btw: he prefaced this statement with "well let me start off by telling you that we would be paying for"
2.) the outsourcer would be finding me housing. (ok, so I am envisioning having to argue with some middle management moron about what is acceptable and what is not rather than having an allowance)
3.) that he would be flying me home to work with the team in the US 4 times a year. (UGH, that is WAY to much. he obviously has never done that trek over and over and over again. Talk about eating up three weeks every two months.)

And thats it.

UMMMMM....my mind was flushed with a million things that he failed to mention like say a driver? insurance? dual-health care insurance? disability? repatriation insurance?

So I asked about the driver to which he responded that well I could pay for that myself. LOL.

At this point I was finished with the conversation so I asked if there were any more questions......the guy that was also part of the interview that reports to this VP says:

"what REALLY, REALLY scares you about this"

Like he is talking to Susie Smith from small town Kansas who has never left her neighborhood.

I dug in:

"Nothing about India scares me. I have been there during terrorist attacks in Dehli when they shut the city down. I have survived 4 feet of water in Bangalore. What I would need to have to take this type of position is the ability to act as an independent operator with the full support of my US based management. This would entail flexibility in understanding things are going to arise that you do not expect."

Like what he asks??

"For example, India operates on bribes. You have to grease the wheels if you need to get something done like turn on a phone in your apartment. "

LOL. They both sat there like a deer in a fast approaching car's headlights.

"Well, (VP) we would not be interested in being involved with something like that. If you needed to give someone a bribe....you would be on your own....."

Deep Breath. Laugh. Depart. Fully aware that there is a job out there that will take me to India but in no way shape or form is it this one....

And the winner is.....

Back from my latest adventure in the world of business travel. Charlotte, NC. Humor surrounded by during my visit on all sides.....

1.) neither me or my boss had the correct information for where we were supposed to show up so we did a lot of huffing around town...in new black pumps of course.
2.) men I dined with decided to spend the drink venue discussing the ins and outs of why its great that they never see their wives.
3.) a cab driver assured me that Charlotte was just about over the the demolition it endured after the "Yankees" came through. Its probably important to mention that this cab driver recently arrived from Somalia so this information was definitely picked up during his stay in NC passed along by some bright mind..
4.) I tried to enjoy my Indian meal which was curtailed by the people running the restaurant dimming the lights to almost nothing and telling me they were trying to close....right after they delivered my food. Take out anyone?

All of these activities pale next to the ridiculous stint that occurred during our speaking session. The plan was to raffle a class seat....so I begin casing the room and collecting cards. About 1/3 of the way through the room, I hear my boss ask "What province is the town of Blah in" to which someone answered the correct Canadian province.....and they he gave away the class. Great. So, someone in the crowd says to me "I think he already gave away the class????" To which I responded, well, he is going to have to give away another one.....

So, the message here is continue, all of you, to work on your "thinking on your feet" skills. It works. Ironically the person who asked the question was the WINNER of the class!!!!

Approved!!

Ahh.....resting easy this afternoon upon learning that Elwood passed the test. Not sure what the test really was? Maybe an owner test? I think the email I had to write to the condo board about Elwood was more about are you a good owner rather than is your pet a maniac. I wrote that we were looking forward to meeting all of our new neighbors and would be taking good care of them by making sure Elwood was not an unhappy barking dog. And they bought it so that is all that matters.

In other news I have to share my new cuticle makeover tool that I am in love with. Paula's Choice, a cosmetic line crafted by the Cosmetic Cop is offering this fantastic Cuticle Stick that fits in your purse with no issues....no worries about the cuticle oil spilling all over the shop. I think this stick has traveled about 5,000 miles with me so far this year and its a breeze to apply when flying, driving, sitting at a keyboard or just doing nothing!!!! Her creams are fantastic as well--love the Super Recovery Anti-Oxidant oil. Its great for super dry skin that seems to creep up on me during winter time!

The Elusive Page 6

Page 6 where are you?????

Lets back up. Made an offer on a fantastic new place and I am in the throws of all the minutia that accompanies buying and selling----downsizing, giving crap away, evaluating everything I own, finding a mortgage, repairing everything that the home inspector found (to the tune of $2000.00 thank you) and in the midst of it all the condo docs for the new pad arrive today. My biggest concern, of course, is making sure Elvis Woodsman (most know him by Elwood. remind yourself with picture at left) has a well respected place by my side in our new home. Page 5, last section titled "pets" starts off with some comment about it being illegal to breed dogs and then...........nothing. Page 6 is missing. Grrrrr......

So...we wait and see until someone finds the missing page 6. In the meantime, I will get a fresh glass of ice water (ice maker apparently was broken who knew) flood my basement (new sump pump) and turn off and on a light in the basement with the new switch (who knew code required the switch near the door to turn that light on??? here I have been walking across the basement for 5 years!) to get my last few days of enjoyment out of this place now that everything is working so properly and up to code. Hell, I might even go up on the roof and check out the piece of wood that is completely invisible to the naked eye from the ground that required painting (love the home owners association)!